Water and stone, advaita and attachment

For a piscean like myself - a type 4 on the enneagram - whose watery being tends to flow shapelessly in keeping with midat harachamim - the aspect of mercy - the challenge is to be comfortable with boundaries...in other words to create clear and firm vessels to contain myself and others...to strengthen midat hadin - the aspect of justice - in me. Any suggestions on how water can become stone (without being frozen)?

In a similar artery, in attachment theory "preoccupied" people in their most extreme form are seen as having a lack of belief in their own agency. They are passive, and believe things happen to them which they are unable to control or even influence. Thids lack of belief in their own agency (external locus of control) is seen as debilitating and disempowering. BUT in advaita, lack of agency is understood to be the truth. Human beings do not do, they are done by that which does everything effortlessly and gracefully, the force that through the green fuse drives the flower drives my green age. How is it that the advaita masters do not seem to be disempopwered by the knowledge of their own lack of agency? What piece am I missing, because for me the lack of belief in my"self" as agent has, perhaps, created or exacerbated a tendency towards paralysing passivity??? Vekeragil, hamevin yavin.

See also post personal psychology

I refuse to continue to claim agency selectively: if I did bad, there is far more good that I did. (And what is the bad, that I frightened two women with my longing? Bad and good are relative terms, relative to shape and form - they really mean things I accept and things I reject out of self interest, identification with a part rather than the whole etc.)

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compare Reichian/ Lowen's five character types with the enneagram....