Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Illustration Competition - The World Cup of the Animals

Next year the world cup comes to South Africa, and will hopefully provide many mostly honest people with some memorable moments and perhaps some extra and much needed cash as well...Here are some chapters Guy and I started writing in honour of "iWorld cup." Only six sample chapters appear here, although we have written twenty, and amassed material for another ten.

Those of you who enjoy doodling, please email me your visual interpretations of these chapters which are a first attempt at celebrating some of South Africa's flora and fauna. You can scan your work in as jpegs, giffs, whatever...but please make sure they're no bigger than 3mbs a piece. I look forwards to matching words with images, and using, with your permission, with acknowledgement, and hopefully with a royalty agreement in place, the best of these images in a published version.


When the animals heard that the humans were having a world cup, they decided to have one too. They found out because a family of Olive Thrush who had been comfortably nestling in a cape honeysuckle suddenly found their home surrounded by bulldozers, and the next thing their tree was knocked over, to make way for a stadium. So the thrushes flew off to look for another home, and on the way they told the Hadeedahs, who told everyone else.


"What’s a world cup?" asked the African Wild Dogs. "Can you eat it?"
"I’m afraid not", answered the Jackal, "its too hard."
"Its when a lot of people come together", explained the Baboon, "and form themselves into different troops. Then they all go into a big round building."
"And what do they do in there?" asked the Wild Dogs.
"They scream and shout", said the Baboon, "and then they come out again."


The hippos got lost on their way to the game. So they trampled through the thick bush next to the river, knocking over reeds and banging into each other, which only made them even more irritable. But the organiser of the tournament, a bright eyed and efficient nagaapie, congratulated them on preparing the pitch, and said they could play right there, next to the river.

So the game began - it was against the crocodiles - who hardly moved, and kept on getting underfoot. The hippo’s coach, a red billed oxpecker, told them to kick the crocodiles, which the hippos did with great gusto, but it made no difference: the crocs moved a few millimeters and then settled down again. In the end the hippos went and complained to the nagaapie, who was now acting as ref.


The secretary bird, who had been charged with keeping the scores, mislaid them.
“Where did you put them last” shrilled the nagaapie, hoping to get to the bottom of it.
“If I knew that would I be searching for them?”, snapped the secretary, and swallowed a small snake to calm herself.
Eventually an eagle eyed eagle saw a piece of the score card sticking out of a termite nest. An Aardvark was sent to deal with the matter, and retrieved the card, only to discover the termites had eaten all of the results.
“We’ll have to start again”, said the nagaapie, but the hippos refused.
“Let’s just make up the scores”, a little Duiker said.
"150 - nil" said a large hippo.
The crocs could not be bothered to argue, and the hippos advanced to the top of their division.


The sardines payed the sharks. The sharks brushed their teeth before the game. “Oral hygiene” explained their captain, an old ragged tooth shark who had done time in an aquarium, and was released early for good behaviour, “is particularly important.”

There were 30 million sardines on the one team, and 600 sharks on the other. But by the end of the game, the sardine’s had mysteriously disappeared, and the sharks seemed lazy and sleepy, and had lost all interest in the match. “Where did they all go?” asked one of the sharks, and burped loudly.


The Fenek has very big ears in order to hear well. And because the Fenek had had a very bad day and had been bullied by the bigger jackals, she decided to listen carefully to the the tiny bacteria and microbes playing chess. What, you may well ask, were the microbes doing playing chess in a soccer tournament? The answer is that even the nagaapie had not managed to find a ball small enough for them to play with, besides which their lack of legs also made football difficult.

Now boys and girls, as you have already heard, bacteria are very small, and so you can imagine that the chess sets they play with are so tiny you cannot even see them under a microscope. Yet the Fenek has such fine ears she can hear the noise as streptococcus moves his knight to Queen 4, or as a yoghurt making bacteria castles in order to protect her king. And then, sometimes, if the Fenek is feeling mean and sore, as she was on this particular day, she will snatch the king from the chessboard, so that the bacteria cannot continue their game. And when they cannot continue their game, and with time on their hands, they go back to making people sick.So boys and girls, if you feel that your throat is getting sore, it may just be becaue Fenek has once again taken the bacteria’s king and hidden it somewhere far far away.

All contents © Immanuel and Guy Suttner, document generated June 2007, copies of this document have been sent to Roy Suttner Attorney and to myself , Immanuel Suttner on the 13th June 2007


Wednesday, September 16, 2009


see also http://manofestoyomi.blogspot.com/2009/07/premises.html

Dialogue A

Couple who live in a flat are fighting, and a plant in their flat becomes a metaphor for their struggle.

You've always hated that plant....and now you've totally killed it

I didn't go anywhere near your fukking plant

You probably poisoned it or something

I won't stoop to your level...but its a pity you could never display the same level of concern for me as you did for that stupid plant

So you did poison it!

(puts her thumb in her mouth and copies him in a babyish voice) Sho you did poishon it!

(Shaking his head in exagerated wonderment) Jealous of a plant. Unbelievable.


So you're saying I'm a genuine fraud?
Yes, its the one thing you're consistent and authentic about...
Well that's some consolation... at least I'm not a fake fraud...whew...I feel redeemed.

Dire log B

I just feel everything is so futile
So you believe things are futile and meaningless

Yes exactly. Nothing I do makes any difference to anyone, including myself
You're saying that nothing you do makes any difference

Yes, and I don't know where to go from here. I feel stuck
You feel stuck

That's what I said
So you feel stuck

Exactly that's why I came here, hoping you could help me
So you'd like me to help you

That's why I'm paying you 190 bucks for this session
So how does it feel to need help?

It feels bloody aweful
You feel....?

aweful. bad.depressed. heavy. sad
and you'd like me to help you feel something else

I suppose so...
So you want to feel...

happy, upbeat, excited, passionate....
and you think I can help you feel those things

I'm hoping you can, yes
So you're hoping I can help you feel different

Yes, I've said that already
and how does it feel to have to repeat yourself

Bloody frustrating! Like I'm wasting my time and my money
So you're worried this too might be futile

I suppose so
And if this is futile

Then its very frustrating...
You feel frustrated...

Yes, I feel like I want to punch you in the face
You think you want to punch me in the .....ow!

Now I feel a bit better. Thank you.

Alternatively: I'm sorry but we have to end your session now....

i'm up here
i can't hear you
i'm up here
where are you
here...up here
Jeff...is that you
UP HERE..on the cliff
look up...up here
Is that you Jeff


What’s that?

A moth

What’s the moth doing?


Why’s it sitting

Its… its… dead



Oh…dead. What’s dead

He’s tired and sick. He won’t move again

How we going to fix it

We can’t fix it

What’s in his stomach? Where is his stomach?


I feel everything is so futile
And by futile you mean....?

I mean its not worth doing anything. Nothing matters. Nothing makes any difference.
So then don't do anything. What's the problem?
But there are some things I have to do. I have to feed my children. I have to pay the rent else we'll be living in the street.
Well if you have to, then what's the problem? Have to implies there's no choice, its out of your hands, so
futile or not futile doesn't come into it. Is it futile to breathe?
I don't know. My body wants to breathe...when I don't have air I want it.

The problem is nothing I do helps anyone
and if nothing I do helps anyone then my life is futile
so you have to help someone or something for your life to be...
meaningful. valuable.

Can you be absolutely sure the things you do don't help someone? How would you know?
I don't know that
And what if everything you did that helps someone always damages something or someone else? What if you couldn't extricate helping and hurting?
Then I suppose it would be better not to help...but I can ask you the same question: how could you know that the two are always inextricably linked
Its an idea...all help and hurt are relative, and apply only to seperate name and form. But let's turn an earlier statement of yours around. How about: "I don't have to help to lead a meaningful life"
Hmm. (Tries it out for size) "I don't have to help to ead a meaningful life." Doesn't feel quiet right.
Ok, let's see what its based on. "I know what helps". True, False or Don't Know?
Don't know.
"I know what hurts"
Are you sure? Remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Most people learn their most valuable life-lesons through being "hurt."
"I know what makes life meaningful."
Don't know. I know I feel heavy and unmotivated to do anything.
And how do you want to feel?
Light. easy. inspired. energised.
But you don't feel that.
Well seeing as you do feel the way you do, how about allowing yourlf to feel that way, seeing as you do anyway. I mean how about accepting it?
But I don't like it.


Song for call centres" "It'll be just like starting over"

Each person you speak to seems to work desperately alone, or for a different company - as if each company employee exists in a separate universe. Good stand up material. See also http://manofestoyomi.blogspot.com/2009/10/comic-material-short-skits.html

Hey don't you know I'm talking bout you (song lyric)

You're such contradiction
You're such a constriction
you're such an affliction
such a restriction

Hey, don't you know I'm talking to you

You're such a conviction
Your such a prediction
forget the depiction
you cause so much friction

Hey don't you know I'm talkin bout you

you're my predeliction
still my addiction
but here's your eviction
I'm done with your fiction

Hey don't you know I'm talkin bout you

the ends the beginning the pain is the joy
its never expected, its always much more
when you think that you know it you find that you’re wrong
when you let it find you there’s no end to the song

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Home Movies

The year is 2003, and Guy Raveh, aged 3, does some shopping at the Pick n Pay in Gallo Manor

The year is 2007, and Daniel Shalev features in a commercial for mother's day

The year is 2009 and Mano stumbles wearily past the City to Surf finish line