Next year the world cup comes to South Africa, and will hopefully provide many mostly honest people with some memorable moments and perhaps some extra and much needed cash as well...Here are some chapters Guy and I started writing in honour of "iWorld cup." Only six sample chapters appear here, although we have written twenty, and amassed material for another ten.
Those of you who enjoy doodling, please email me your visual interpretations of these chapters which are a first attempt at celebrating some of South Africa's flora and fauna. You can scan your work in as jpegs, giffs, whatever...but please make sure they're no bigger than 3mbs a piece. I look forwards to matching words with images, and using, with your permission, with acknowledgement, and hopefully with a royalty agreement in place, the best of these images in a published version.
When the animals heard that the humans were having a world cup, they decided to have one too. They found out because a family of Olive Thrush who had been comfortably nestling in a cape honeysuckle suddenly found their home surrounded by bulldozers, and the next thing their tree was knocked over, to make way for a stadium. So the thrushes flew off to look for another home, and on the way they told the Hadeedahs, who told everyone else.
"What’s a world cup?" asked the African Wild Dogs. "Can you eat it?"
"I’m afraid not", answered the Jackal, "its too hard."
"Its when a lot of people come together", explained the Baboon, "and form themselves into different troops. Then they all go into a big round building."
"And what do they do in there?" asked the Wild Dogs.
"They scream and shout", said the Baboon, "and then they come out again."
The hippos got lost on their way to the game. So they trampled through the thick bush next to the river, knocking over reeds and banging into each other, which only made them even more irritable. But the organiser of the tournament, a bright eyed and efficient nagaapie, congratulated them on preparing the pitch, and said they could play right there, next to the river.
So the game began - it was against the crocodiles - who hardly moved, and kept on getting underfoot. The hippo’s coach, a red billed oxpecker, told them to kick the crocodiles, which the hippos did with great gusto, but it made no difference: the crocs moved a few millimeters and then settled down again. In the end the hippos went and complained to the nagaapie, who was now acting as ref.
The secretary bird, who had been charged with keeping the scores, mislaid them.
“Where did you put them last” shrilled the nagaapie, hoping to get to the bottom of it.
“If I knew that would I be searching for them?”, snapped the secretary, and swallowed a small snake to calm herself.
Eventually an eagle eyed eagle saw a piece of the score card sticking out of a termite nest. An Aardvark was sent to deal with the matter, and retrieved the card, only to discover the termites had eaten all of the results.
“We’ll have to start again”, said the nagaapie, but the hippos refused.
“Let’s just make up the scores”, a little Duiker said.
"150 - nil" said a large hippo.
The crocs could not be bothered to argue, and the hippos advanced to the top of their division.
The sardines payed the sharks. The sharks brushed their teeth before the game. “Oral hygiene” explained their captain, an old ragged tooth shark who had done time in an aquarium, and was released early for good behaviour, “is particularly important.”
There were 30 million sardines on the one team, and 600 sharks on the other. But by the end of the game, the sardine’s had mysteriously disappeared, and the sharks seemed lazy and sleepy, and had lost all interest in the match. “Where did they all go?” asked one of the sharks, and burped loudly.
The Fenek has very big ears in order to hear well. And because the Fenek had had a very bad day and had been bullied by the bigger jackals, she decided to listen carefully to the the tiny bacteria and microbes playing chess. What, you may well ask, were the microbes doing playing chess in a soccer tournament? The answer is that even the nagaapie had not managed to find a ball small enough for them to play with, besides which their lack of legs also made football difficult.
Now boys and girls, as you have already heard, bacteria are very small, and so you can imagine that the chess sets they play with are so tiny you cannot even see them under a microscope. Yet the Fenek has such fine ears she can hear the noise as streptococcus moves his knight to Queen 4, or as a yoghurt making bacteria castles in order to protect her king. And then, sometimes, if the Fenek is feeling mean and sore, as she was on this particular day, she will snatch the king from the chessboard, so that the bacteria cannot continue their game. And when they cannot continue their game, and with time on their hands, they go back to making people sick.So boys and girls, if you feel that your throat is getting sore, it may just be becaue Fenek has once again taken the bacteria’s king and hidden it somewhere far far away.
All contents © Immanuel and Guy Suttner, document generated June 2007, copies of this document have been sent to Roy Suttner Attorney and to myself , Immanuel Suttner on the 13th June 2007