Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Ten advantages of going through a separation:

1) You stop eating chocolate: in fact some days you stop eating altogether, so suddenly that slim youthful body is within reach.

2) The pain and suffering burns away many - if not all - vanities - and you get to query your beliefs about everything in a way that can be most liberatory.

3) If you haven't yet, you begin the process of falling in love with yourself.

4) Lots of petty addictions fall away. For example, in my case obsessive FB reading and posting went from 5-10 a day to 1 a week and now back up to 2-3 a day.

5) I got really focused about priorities and economic realities....stuff I've avoided for significant chunks of my adult life.

6)Because I've been so emotionally labile - lots of tears, weeping etc, I've connected with people I've known a while in much more profound, honest, deep (er) and authentic ways, learnt more about them, and become much closer.

7)I am discovering a new kind of unconditional happiness and gratitude ( same thing?) in loving what is and in being forced, or guided by Life, to let go.

8) separation is like being on a raft with four people on a white water river. You fall out of the boat, which is anyway moving rapidly, in a state of constant flux. But you cling to the rope along the side of the raft, imagining that it offers some sort of safety, security, solidity, continuity, permanence. And all the while the raging water is tugging at you, pulling on your life, and your grip is getting weaker and weaker, but you're terrified, and so you cling. But you know you're going to have to let go, or be pulled off, and swept away. And then it happens and you're into whatever happens next, with terror or elation or peace, or all three.

9) Autonomy muscles that have long atrophied are suddenly rediscovered and flexed again.

10) Surrender happens....and happens again...and again. What Byron Katie calls dying into love.

Gam Zoo Le'Tovah - Also This is for the Good

Last year at this time someone rear ended my Mazda 2. It was a write off, and with the insurance payout I was able to get a newer and slightly better car.
Around the same time I lost my mobile phone and as a result got a newer phone with a bigger screen.
Now I am apparently losing "my" marriage and who knows what magnificent surprise and gift will come out of that.

Poems 5778 - 2018

i don't need a partner
to be whole
i just need to stop telling myself I'm incomplete


late afternoon
when the shadows fall
and the fear of night
is the time
I most prefer
the company
of friends


אני, ולא אחר
שומר עליך
כי בעצם
לא על מה
שאתה חושב שאתה
אלא על מה
שאתה באמת

you are such a beautiful bride
I do not find any blemish in you
and nor do you age and wither

walk slowly
as if you were going to your own death
which you are


Just as on Pesach
we open the door
so that Eliyahoo the prophet
may also drink
from the cup of freedom
so every liberation
requires we open
a hithertoo closed
door in our heart

Where the hell are we?
In this place zombies
watch endless cooking shows
listen all night
to call centre music
that is changed
only once
every called has died
write novel-length self-
reflective journals
to achieve professional
development points
for the plumbing trade
and wish each other
"have a good day"
before disemboweling
their neighbour


Gifted child
looking for employment
will wipe bums


wham , bam
thank you man


איזהו גיבור?
הכובש את בדידותו

sending off poems:
the death throws of the ego

Am I a man or a mouse?
Neither. I am a much loved poodle

I prayed and my prayers have been answered
not in the way I expected but nevertheless...
the incomprehensible creativity of Life


Where ever you go
there is a window
with a tree just beyond
even if you cannot see it
at the time


Sunday, December 31, 2017

With apologies to Raymond Carver: what we talk about when we talk about love

Lots of people talk about love, especially at this time of year, but what does that word translate too in our day to day, minute to minute experience?
What does love mean in a traffic jam or crowded parking lot when other people don't behave as you have it they should?
what does love mean in the context of family members who refuse to conform to your expectations
what does love mean in abbatoirs and factory farms?
what does love mean in the supermarket aisle and at the rubbish bin
what does love mean in casinos and advertising agencies and news rooms and in our addictions to the dark sticky energies of conflict and resentment and self justification?
what does love mean in aged care facilities with a ratio of one worker to ten inmates
what does love mean for animals that you have stewardship of
what does love mean when we don't know, or are overwhelmed, or are hurt, 

or are masking hurt with anger, or trying to escape what looks like boredom?
how does love acknowledge our limitations?
how would love support us?
what would love have us let go of, if anything?
what would love have us accept and embrace?
what would love have us do?
what would love have us be?

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

The seeing is the doing (Krishnamurti)

Once we understand how the mechanism of self -justification works in our selves - how we make things alright and fudge boundaries as soon as we see an advantage for ourselves in something - and everyone has some area where they do this - then we can better understand how to manage this in ourselves, and possibly model this self management for others.

The heart's slight sleight of hand
how friends become food in enabling circumstances
how good neighbours
may strip and rob other neighbours
of their family heirlooms
when the barbarians invade
and how some do not

how everyone does good
up to a point. and beyond that doesn't care,
or cares, up to the point they know
everyone cares about something
but certainly not about what you think they should care
so take care

The body as process

When I returned from India early 1998 I went around telling people they are not their bodies ( or their minds ). Some people were receptive to this idea, others were threatened by it. My source for this was the aempirical discourse of advaita (non-dualism), which has no need of the evidence game, but while reading Norman Doidge's book on neuroplasticity "The Brain That Changes Itself" I found "scientific" corroboration for this truism.

In the chapter titled "pain" Doidge reviews the brilliant work of neurologist V.S.Ramachandran on the phantom limbs of amputees, and on the difference between the body ( which is itself an abstraction, assembled out of episodic flashes of sensation) and body image.


I did a shop today with an 86 year old Jew originally from Hungary that was like a Vegan Greenie's worst nightmare. He stopped at a Europen style 'delicatessen' and bought many flacid, pink phallus-like things stuffed with minced pig flesh and nitrates and god knows what else. He bought shaved ham and pulled ham and quartered ham and tortured ham. He bought salamis and brockwurst and blackwurst and bloodwurst and umpteen cheeses. He bought duck liver pates and if he could have bought the testicles of bulls and the brains of sheep he would have.

Then we tottered on grimly to Coles where, despite my offers of cotton bags I'd specifically brought along, and despite my horrified and hate filled glances, he insisted on putting each piece of fruit, and each vegetable he bought, into a separate plastic bag...those microthin plastic bags that are good only for choking turtles and uglifying landscapes. By the time we got back to his unit I was ready to accidentally push him down the lift shaft, but somehow desisted. Instead I whistled the tune from "Bridge over the River Kwai."