Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy

Paramedics are busy working on a man at the side of the road, who has been involved in a bad motor vehicle accident. The man is on a stretcher, with a neck brace, and an oxygen mask over his face. He has a bloody bandage on one leg, and appears to be barely conscious, only the occasional slight movement of his eyes indicating that he is drifting in and out of consciousness. A bearded tatoed paramedic with a bald pate straightens up, having stabilized the patient, and admires his handiwork, before launching:
" What were you thinking mate? You could have got yourself killed. You could have killed someone else too. People like you shouldn't be driving mate, its a priviledge, not a right. And I bet you've been drinking, hey mate. I guarantee you knocked back a couple of schooners tonight, hey buddy? I'm partial to a few myself, but that's why you have to have a plan B. You could have died mate, understand that? If we had got here 10 minutes later your leg would have bled out, mate, and you'd have been a gonner. Kicking up daisies mate. Chatting with your ancestors. I don't even think you had your seat belt on mate, judging by the broken ribs and head injuries. Never drive without a seatbelt. Now we've had to come out and sort out the mess, and that means we're unavailable for someone else. Bloody stupid of you mate, you should be ashamed of yourself."
The patients eyes have closed, although he is still breathing. A second female paramedic comes, and the two raise the wheeled stretcher up, and slide it into a waiting ambulance. As they close the doors we cut to:
Ambulance interior. The patient is lying there unconscious. The same paramedic sits next to him, holding up an infusion bag, and continuing his lecture to the unconscious man.
"Its dickheads like you what make our job difficult. You need to think about your family mate, about your mom and dad, your nan and pop, before you start playing silly buggers in our streets. I hope you've learnt your lesson buddy, I really do.
[ patient whimpers, possibly in pain]
I'll give you some more mate, but it serves you right. I've got no sympathy for your sort.
[adds ampule of analgesic to infusion]
Next time wear a helmet and walk home. I can even show you on the website what the terms and conditions are for P Platers. How fast were you going mate. 60? 70? 150? Just having a laugh with your mates eh? Well who's laughing now, mate?
I tell you what, you're luck you're so badly injured mate, else I'd be tempted to give you a piece of my mind."