Scenes From Australian Life

Letter received from Hurstville Council:

"On the 17th of May you were photographed at the Hurstville Aquatic Centre swimming at 7km/h in a lane clearly marked "slow laps". A life guard cautioned you, but you persisted in swimming at an unsafe speed potentially threatening a Chinese grandmother who was walking in the same lane, and unsettling a Lebanese building contractor who was chatting to a friend about where to buy lamb in Strathfield.



For your information, 6 out of 7 swimming pool accidents occur when people swim to rapidly in the slow lane , or too slowly in the fast lane.


We therefore have no choice but to revoke your swimming goggle licence. Should this not result in modified behaviour we will issue an apprehended violence order barring you from coming within 500 metres of the slow lane.



Simon Lane
Chief Petty Officer
Parks and Recreation, Hurstville Council


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Immigration To Australia


Year one: busy busy
Year two: zolpidem
Year three: zoloft...
Year four: metrol beta blockers
Year five: steroids for haemarhoids and Cymbalata for everything else

The dog application


"RE your application to adopt a puppy from Pooch Rescue.

We regret to inform you that on this occasion your application was not successful and we have opted to sell the puppy to someone else who seemed more sobre, mature and responsible. In particular we did not appreciate that when we asked for a photo of your back yard you sent us a picture of Centennial park.

Nevertheless we thank you for taking the time to apply for the position of puppy carer. We will keep your application on file, and should a suitable dog come up for adoption - such as an 18 year old Rotweiler - we will be in touch with you.

Sincerely yours
Rita Bloggs
Animal Resources Officer"
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The Job Interview

Can you provide us with five referees
I think six
Make that seven

How will you contribute to diversity in the work place

What will you do to ensure work health and safety?




Street Signs
NO RIGHT TURN
(Mondays to Fridays between 7:30 and 9:00 am and between 4:30 and 6:00pm, public holidays and vehicles over 6 tons excluded)




The anonymous note

Next time you park your car here it will be towed away


Please don't park your car here it is very dangerous


Did you know you can get fined for driving with those P plates on


You were speeding, pay $177.00 Just going more than five km/s an hour will endanger a child's life