Saturday, July 3, 2010

Striving for Balance

As my body grows older I seem to find it harder to keep my balance. Or rather, because I rarely fall, it might be more accurate to say I fear losing my balance much more. So when I get out of the bath I am a bit like a little old man, and I clutch at door knobs or sinks or whatever is available, because my mind makes up I will slip with only one leg still making contact wth the wet bath bottom. Or, when going up tiled steps in the rain, or after rain, I walk with exagerated mincing steps raisng my legs unnaturally high and placing them unnaturally carefully, attempting to keep my weigh very much centred, so as not to slip. This is especially so when wearing crocs or other smooth sold footwear.

And indeed I have slipped several times in the kitchen on water or oil, not slipped that I've fallen but suddenly felt my fet sliding unexpectedly and frightendly, no terrified, clutchd the air and righted myself, my mind already racing to my head banging hard against the tiles though it never happens...from whence this fear of uncontolled falling? And the dizzyness and sense of lack of balance that accompanies it? Low blood pressure? Possibly, but I somehow doubt that there is a solely physiological explanation. I think I feel unsteady in my life, unrooted to the earth, without a solid connection...

Is it emigration?
Is it Australia?
Is it middle age?
Is it lack of vitamin F14?
I feel like the juice is being sucked out of my brain

Having said that I once ran down nachal david or nachal arugot like a mountain goat, with a radio on my back...following my samal (seargeant) and leaping from rock to rock in a way I'd never imagined possible the possibility of flight does, or did, dwell in me. And at least i can still warm my hands around that thought.

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