Parenting notebook: pick your own rubbish

I'm struggling with my 10 year old son...he doesn't want to learn the things that I want to teach him. Certainly not exactly at the tiime that I think he should want to. And the more I press, the more he stonewalls me. And the more stonewalled I am, the more helpless and frustrated I feel, and so I retreat and cut off from him. Of course this is no help to him whatsoever - its become about me, instead of about helping him, and as I recognise my own unresolved inadequacies (or stories about my inadequacies, old often repeated stories) coming to the fore, the internal going gets heavy and despairing....this is the beauty of children...you can run but you can't hide, and they're never going to do the work for you, or handle the stuff you've never handled yourself. Thank heavens that you can't fool G?d.