A couple have just finished making steamy passionate sex. She rolls off him. Both of them recover their breath, and then she picks up her tablet from the bedside table and turns to him.
"Would you mind if I asked you a few short questions?
"Sure"
"How easy was it for you to get hold of us today?"
"Well it took a while, but it was certainly worth it" he gazes at her admiringly "and there sure was a lot to get hold of"
"Thinking about your experience now, on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being very poor and 10 being excellent, how would you rate it?
"Oh a 10 babe. Ten for sure. Comere and lemme give you a kiss."
"Hold on. There's a few more. How likely are you to recommend this service to other people?"
"You must be joking"
"No. On a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being extremely unlikely and 10 being very likely."
etc. etc.
_______________
This is how I amuse myself on those long spring nights:
A man is standing at the gap, a favourite suicide spot in Sydney, staring over the cliff edge to the sea far far below. Hands shaking he dials a number on the mobile in his hand. We listen in to the call.
"Hello you have reached the suicide call back service. your call is important to us but at the moment we are experiencing unusually high call volumes, please wait and a counsellor will be with you as soon as possible. Did you know you can also chat online with one of our counsellors by visiting our websiste"
Music comes on.
It is Monty Python's 'Always look on the Bright Side of Life."
The man carefully places the phone down on a nearby rock, and bends over, his back to us, fiddling with something on the ground. We pan back from the man to the phone, which is still playing the same song repetitively. We remain on the phone,, while off screen, after a while, we hear what may be a distant splash.
A short while later a bright and cheery voice takes over from the music. 'Hello, can I start with your name please?"
We pan back away from the phone. The man is nowhere to be seen but we stop for a moment to linger on a pair of empty shoes neatly placed just near the edge of the cliff.
We rewind back to the man dialling a number on his phone. This time he is answered immediately by a human, the same bright voice we heard previously.
'Hello, can I start with your name please?"
"It doesn't matter what my name is. I've just gambled the family home away and I'm at the gap. Give me one reason why I shouldn't jump.... one fuc#4ng reason!"
"Certainly, we can talk about that, but first I must tell you this call is being recorded for quality control and training purposes. Are you ok with that?"
"No I'm fuc#4ing not ok..."
"Allright so you'd prefer me to turn the recording off...?"
"I don't care what the f#4k you do, I don't see any way out."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Would you mind if I put you on hold just for a minute. I'm a bit new here, and I just want to check something about our privacy policy with my supervisor. I'll be back with you in a minute. Please don't go anywhere. OK?"
Before he can answer there is a click and the music comes back on: 'Always look at the bright side of life.'
He waits, quietly sobbing to the music. Then he turns, his back to us, and begins to fiddle with something on the ground.
There is a click, and a different voice comes on.
"Hello, can I please start with your name?"
"Are you people going to help me, or what? Where's the other girl?"
"I'm a trained counsellor sir, would you like to tell me what's going on...."
"I'll tell you what's going on you fuc#4ng dickhead. I'm at the gap, I'm about to jump, I've lost everything, and you people are fuc#4ng useless."
"Ah, so you haven't actually tried to commit suicide yet?"
"No, but I'm about to."
"Oh I'm so sorry. I see. You've reached our POSTvention service, for people who have tried and didn't manage to quite pull it off. I think what you are after is our PREvention service. I can give you their number. Do you have a pen or something you can write with?
"I'm about to jump, I swear"
"Don't.......don't. Please don't. I'll text you the number ok? Give them a call. They will support you. I'm texting you right now... did you get it?"
There is a ping on the man's phone.
"I'll hang up sir, so you can call them. Promise me you'll call them, ok?"
"Can't you just put me through?"
"I can try, but if something goes wrong please promise me you'll call them?"
The man grunts.
"Ok I'm putting you through now. Take care."
There is a click. The phone rings and rings and rings. We wait expectantly, hopefully, for someone to answer. there is a click.
""Hello you have reached the suicide call back service. your call is important to us but at the moment we are experiencing unusually high call volumes, please wait and a counsellor will be with you as soon as possible. Did you know you can also chat online with one of our counsellors by visiting our websiste"
There is a click.
Then silence. Nothing. Gonisht min gonisht.
In despair the man hurls the phone into the void. We see its small lit screen falling down down to the sea.
We track it down in slow motion. As it falls. There is a click.
'Always look on the bright side of life'.
There is a splash. The phone bobs for a moment, then sinks beneath the waves.
VEGANOMIX
A man is interviewing candidates to sublet a room in a shared house, and is explaining to them that the kitchen is an animal free one. Some consider it, some ask how negotiable, some leave (this could also be a series of phone calls - we cut from phone call to phone call - or a series of typed online conversations - or a mixture of both.)
Eventually he finds a housemate who is is ardent as he.
He comes home from a hop and unpacks all his delicious vegan goods, humming as puts them away in fridge and freezer and pantry.
She cooks something and offers him to taste. They discuss ingredients , mushrooms, nuutritional yeast, pea protein etc etc and swop recipes.
She ys she is off to the square of truth.
he is out shoppng. he goes past a fast food outlet. moves out of frame. but then we are surprised to see him coming bck into frame and lingering there.
(he places a sticker there and then runs off...?)
he goes somewhere out of area, makes sure no one he know is around, furtively darts in,orders a chicken burger. Cut to him wolfing it down. this happens a few times.
cut back to home interacting with his house mate.
one day he is out nd about when he sees her doing the same thing ! (choice point....tell all, maintain the pretence, accuse her of hypocrisy....which is more interesting? which is more generative???
PERSPECTIVE
Two emaciated concentration camp inmates are sitting shivering in the corner of their bleak prison hut, having a quiet conversation while other skeletons nearby on bare bunk shelves try to find a few hours escape from the cold and starvation in sleep.
The one inmate pulls out from under his striped pyjamas a tiny piece of stale rock hard bread.
"Take it, take it, my friend, I picked it up in the kitchen today when no one was looking...take it. You must. You must live!"
The other looks at the morsel longingly, but then reluctantly holds up a bony hand in a gesture of refusal.
"I can't. I can't take it."
"Why? Why not? If you're concerned about me I am fine...I am strong...and I will get more tomorrow. Don't worry about me."
"No, its not that. I'm gluten intolerant."
"You're what...?"
"Gluten intolerant. So bread makes me sick."
"Well forgive me for saying this but....you're dying anyway. So how much sicker can it make you?"
"No, I mustn't, else I will feel terrible in a few hours time."
"If you're still alive in a few hours time..."
"Yes...." Long sigh.
"Wait" says the other, "we bribed Shpitzkopf. With a French postcard Berelowitz somehow kept hidden. And you won't believe what we got...."
With trembling hands he shifts one of the floorboards slightly and takes out a child sized chipped enamel mug.
"Milk...MILK! Careful, don't spill it now....."
He extends the precious liquid to his friend, who licks his dry cracked lips, and, with tears in his eyes, slowly shakes his head.
"I can't....I can't" he moans."I'm lactose intolerant."
"What rubbish are you talking"
"No really, I am, milk gives me terrible stomach pains"
"Stomach pains mummik pains....you prefer hunger pains?"
"No, but what can I do?"
"What can you do? You can eat something....even if it is just a tiny teaspoon....here, this will get you through the selection tomorrow."
He feels around inside his pant leg, and triumphantly produces what is indeed a tiny tin teaspoon which has a tiny amount of something unrecognisable on it. He thrusts it at his friends tightly pursed lips, but his friend recoils to a safe distance before asking
"what is it?"
"this...this my friend, is peanut butter!"
____________
A 74 year old man is busy dying in a palliative care home.
We begin on the dying man, whose eyes are shut. He looks peaceful enough. He camera tracks down to his chest and lower abdomen, where no movement at all is detectable. It lingers there, and after a while there is a slight almost imperceptible movement. We linger there long enough to establish that there is slow regular breathing. The camera moves back up his chest and then, in extreme CU, runs down an arm, past a canulla, down to his hand which is being held by another hand, that of Sally, his daughter. She is seated next to him, her eyes also closed, just being with him. We stay with them for a while, this special father daughter tableaux of closeness and connection.
There is a click of the room door opening. We move off Sally to find Lily, her older sister, entering the room. Their body language indicates there is a lot of tension between them. Lily seems to be disappointed that her father is not alone. They greet each other somewhat coolly.
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