Me: I'm sorry, I hate this as much as you do
Shirt: Please don't
Me: I'm sorry, but you're filthy
Shirt: Just one more chance
Me: I hear you, and normally I'd agree, but the tomato source stain on your pocket ...
Shirt: It's not my fault you've started dribbling
Me: True. [pause] look I'll cut you a deal. I'll put you in with the delicates
Shirt: You've only worn me nine times
Me: But its been very hot, and the potting soil stuck to the sweaty bits.
Shirt: You wore the blue T two weeks in a row...
Me: That was in spring
Shirt. I'm so threadbare...another wash might finish me off.
Me: Don't make me feel any more guilty than I already do
Shirt: Those detergents....full of nasty poisonous chemicals. I can't breathe.
Me: You'll be fine. I'll look after you
Shirt: You've had something against me since you bought me. Is it because I'm white?
Me: Don't be ridiculous
Shirt: What is is then?
Me: There's nothing....nothing in general....just that, at the moment
Shirt: Go on
Me: I'm not sure how to say this....look, no offense, but you smell
Shirt: And who made me smell?
Me: It was me, I've never claimed otherwise....
Shirt: You of all people should have compassion
Me: I'm sorry, but my hands are tied....I feel terrible about this
(gently placing shirt in wash basket), it'll be over before you know it.
Be strong my friend.
Shirt: (muffled from in the wash basket) you bastard.