Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Important Info I Learnt from the Internet - Please Share

If you get stung by a jellyfish
swim as fast as you can to shore and urinate on the affected area
if no urine is available apply a hot poultice of chammomile tea
or use two litres of battery acid per centimetre of sting
remove any traces of stingers or cystoblasts with a pair of pliers or a claw hammer
if the patient is not moving cut off the affected limb with a sharp knife
suck the poison out by applying your lips to the blow hole. be careful not to swallow any blood that may seep out from the stump.
If you have any welding experience, you may cauterize the wound if a blow torch is handy. Alternatively bathe the stump with a diet cold drink. This will sterilize the area and kill anything organic.
Try to keep the patient from twitching, as this may hasten the spread of the toxin.
If the attack occured on an isolated stretch of coast do not panic. remember there is always something you can do. Grab a lagerhead or leatherback turtle, wet it with a little ocean water, and place it on the affected area. This will numb the area, and possibly crush the patient, but the leather back will move off quickly enough. When it does use seaweed to make a tourniquet around your wedding finger, to prevent any unwhitting transmission of the virus. If driftwood is in short supply, make a fire from sea shells and burn the carcasses / paperwork / calories.
Make him or her as comfortable as possible until help arrives. Keep their head elevated and do not allow them to fall asleep.
You may serve them coffee but energy drinks containing guano should be avoided, unless they were sourced from free range albatrosses.
If you notice the patient's eyes closing tell them a joke. Tickle them. Read them an article from the newspaper. If the patient seems tense, it may be the onset of hyperthermia. in order to calm them down play them a little baroque music, or read them the meditations of Marcus Aurerelis. Reflexology can be useful, but do not overdo it as at this stage the person is likely to still be very weak.
If you have managed to capture the jelly fish put it in a biodegradable paper bag and add a pinch of worcester sauce to kep it fresh. The paramedics will need to know what make of jelly it is, in order to administer the correct anti-venom. Once they have identified it, you may release the jelly fish or consume it. However, only the pyrimidal jelly fish has a shelf life of more than three days.
Take the patients pulse every 2-3 seconds. Keep talking to them, preferably in a language they do not understand. This will stimulate the corpus collusum and make for better outcomes post surgery. When the paramedics arrive, give them a full psychosocial history and any witness statements you have been able to gather. If the patient has stopped breathing make sure you have noted the time of expiry.

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