Scatterlings

 after all these years
I still so want to be wanted
___________

I went down to the ocean
down down to the ocean
to stand without motion
but when I looked to the ground
all around could be found
plastic bottles and wrappers


______

we watch TV with amazement, the sleight of hand
perpetrated upon ignorant or indifferent audiences
the contemporary bigotry of some Israelis is lovingly dwelt upon
while the mediaeval racism of Palestinians
- "tabach il Yahud" (slaughter the Jews)
subtitled as
"We don't like the Israeli occupation"
somehow
gets lost in translation
______________________

Sweet regret
inside I still feel like a young man
wanting to bed as many lovelies as he can
for the sweetness of skin
of down on the cheek
and the soft apertures down there
an unsatisfied curiosity
to know everything there is to know
about your sweet giggle
does it priovide immunity from the heaviness I feel
the tides that flow within you
do you go to the toilet as I do
your manicured form would suggest not
but outside I'm ageing
I'm supposed to be settled and content with my lot
not staring at the strikingly tall blond schoolgirl
exploding out of her blouse
sweet regret
__________________


The Jihadists of the BDS
their malice thinly disguised as concern for the Palestinians
their myopia and amnesia
their selective use of data
their sense of the opportunity to ressurect an ancient predjudice
in politically corrrect guise
their mob mentality
their exagerations of Israeli power
in order to justify actions designed to render Israelis powerless
we've seen the same protean projections a thousand times before
nothing new under the sun
way way below the sun
___________________

It seems to me
that most men
whose conditioning was in post war post Christian liberal democracies
(broadly speaking "the west" )
will by nature or nuture tend twoards being
sexually polygamous (in potential if not in actuality)
and, in broad strokes, emotionally monogamous
hence the ongoing need
for brothels
____________________________

a middle aged therapist I know
(not intimately)
was seeing a middle aged client
about their (the client's) unmet sexual needs 
and very occasionally after that, or some other session,
the therapist, who was a conscientious and ethical and concerned therapist
would go off to a massage parlour
or similar institution
(not one where there was any suspicion of overt exploitation or human trafficking)
in order to try and meet their
unmet sexual needs
___________________
("Hello, I'm a sexual need of yours, we've never met before)
___________________

if you want to live longer
eat less
if you want to eat less
have more (interpersonal) sex
this is my advice to you
my son
________________________

Four questions (for pesach?) that appeared in adolesence and which I imagine will remain with me well into the body's decreptitude:

1) Am I Ok?
2)Is the world OK as it is?
3)Am I sufficiently the same
4) Am I sufficiently different 
____________________

I was not born and I will not die
_______________________

Is it beacuse I am attached to, and invested in, my body that I assume that other beings are also attached to theirs, and suffer when their bodies are hurt or broken down?
______________________________________

I do not allow any issue, or any life or death, to consume me. Not because I am indifferent to suffering but because I do not decrease suffering through identification.
________________________



"האור הגנוז לצדיקים..."

אבל למה רק לצדיקים כאשר זה ה"רשעים" שזקוקים במיוחד לאור הזה

___________________________

Jewishness: difference for the sake of difference or difference that makes a difference?

_________________________________

What evidence is there to support the contention
that I am not the body?
certainly if I lose parts of it I seem to still retain the sense of I
how much of it could be lost before the sense I goes
certainly as it changes across time mind seems to change with it, but this would suggest only a body mind linkage, not that I am the body mind
but when the body is unwell "I" feel bad
and when the body is fed and exercised and in balance "I" tend towards feeling well
would this not suggest that it and I are one and the same?  
_______________________
There is no Israel, Australia or South Africa
in the Self
_________________

Comparisons
are of the mind
_______________

No matter how hard I try
the world keeps on happening
_______________________

sometimes
driving in the car
I get so lonely
I turn on the radio
_______________________

Identity theft

Someone has stolen my identity
the bank will no longer take my money
someone bought a treadmill
using my name
and had it delivered to an address in Zimbabwe
my children will not
climb into the car
claiming they've been warned against strangers
the woman I've lived with
for twenty years
says she doesn't know
who I am anymore
my work access card
does not work
so I suddenly find
I have time on my hands
and with nothing to do
can find out what I am
am I your son? I ask my father
am I your father? I ask my son
am I at all I ask myself
and wait for an answer to come
 
I go for long walks on the beach
and try to maintain
a scholarly mien
I read in the papers
that I'm wanted for fraud
or, at least, a person who bears
the same name as me
perhaps I should try to steal it back
the accounts, the habits, the plans, the facade?
___________________

on that day
my doubts will come galloping
over the hill like cavalry
each one an ugly duckling transformed
the mind's chatter
will be a sweet serenade
_________________


I want something
that is beautiful
to come and lick away
my ugliness

___________________

Sexuality can best be enjoyed
when it is fully integrated
into the rest of our life

______________________

it is a given
that the mind
will not leave me
(or you)
alone

________________

Songs to the silence

________________

The universe is created out of habits
______________

Land Fill:
Everything we have forgotten is here
_____________

Ode to Addiction

In dimly lit corridors
and bars
red eyed in front of computer screens
at work late at night
telling lies