Poems 2016

My religion

I believe in foliage
I believe in a catchy tune
I believe in animals drinking water
I believe in abundance
I believe in touch
I believe in the soil after rain
I believe in bedtime
when my mind's fingers unfurl
from the dream of a world
_________________________________

Israel is an itch
Much more itchy than Darfur, than slaves in Saudia, than girls abducted by Boko Haram,
more itchy than South Sudan, Chechnya, the Sahel, Kashmir
Yemen, Syria, the DRC or Tibet (now largely repopulated with settler Han Chinese),
which people in many countries
for reasons they themselves do not understand
feel impelled to scratch
until it bleeds



___________________

Mouse

You moved into our house
unobtrusively
didn't take up much room
but we didn't like it
that at night you left
small calling cards 
scattered around
so we poisoned you

__________________ 

Advice to the people of Aleppo, Darfur, Somalia, Central African Republic, Democratic Republic of Congo, Burundi, Libya, Iraq, South Sudan and Yemen - a Public Service Announcement

Get at least 8 hours sleep a night
A good mattress is a wise investment. Never skimp when purchasing your mattress
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Make sure you buy a reputable low fat high sugar cereal with the tick of the heart foundation
Visit your dentist every six months for a checkup
Don't drive under the influence, and check that the tyres on your vehicle are not worn
Make sure your swimming pool is properly fenced
Remember you have inalienable human rights. No one is allowed to hurt you, as stipulated by the UN charter. If you believe someone has infringed your rights, speak to your nearest embassy or call us on No-1-Is-There during office hours. 
If the line is unstaffed please leave a message
_________________

my mind's attempts to frighten me -
I will not take them seriously
______________________

The snail is a monopod
upon whose foot shoe ne'er was shod

____________________________________

I drink my son's sweet untouched
milky tea
and instantly recall
the broad smile, bald black pate
of Lemmy
all that has been left to me
by the Cheshire cat of memory

________________

I want to say to my kids:
"stop growing and doing"
I want to say to my body:
stop flabbing and ageing"
I want to say to my house
"stop breaking and falling"
I want to say to my mind"
stop spinning and desiring
just for a while
so that I can catch
and let go
my breath

__________________________

the dusk is rising
the lamp casts its pool of light
on the student and teacher
the teacher is talking
the student and piano are silent
head averted, keys inert
the cicadas are droning
their pedal notes:
Sat Chit Ananda
Adonai
Caw Caw Lord Lord
Ha Eloheem
___________________ 

When younger I travelled
far and wide
but now I prefer
to stay inside


___________________________ 

In the beginning
was the sky with birds
and a beach with sand
and a castle on a hill

In the beginning
was a deep dim forest
and a river that hurried
down a mountain side

In the beginning
was a new born babe
soft as clay
and helpless as fury

and all things begin
in fire or water
in earth and air
in the angry hued expanse
that joins day to night
and in the soft rosy glow
of the turning to light

______________________

my legs and pelvis
are my Temple Mount

and I am close to
Yerushalayim
but even closer
to my breath

_______________

(Poem from 2016?)

inside I still feel like a young man

wanting to bed as many lovelies as he can

for the sweetness of skin

of silky down on the arm

and the soft apertures down there

but outside I'm ageing

I'm supposed to be settled and content with my lot

not staring at the strikingly tall blond schoolgirl

exploding out of her blouse

sweet regret

__________________

look into my eyes
watch my finger
your eyes are getting heavy
your body is relaxed
now close your eyes
and I'm going to count
down from 3 to 1
and when I reach one
I will snap my fingers
you will be asleep
and do and believe whatever I tell you:
 
Three, two, one...
SNAP!
 
Now you will believe
you can all drive your own cars and not have traffic jams and gridlock
you can show love and connectedness by going on a 33 hour shopping spree
that casino's can fight irresponsible gamboling and bars irresponsible drinking
that secret hungers can be legislated out of sight
that people in Holland and Australia can resolve problems in the Congo or the rape of slaves in Saudia by reading 3 articles in The Guardian and clicking on a petition
that a brave new world can be built on ancient prejudices
that you can run infomercials and commercials about weight loss products or brain training programs or wholesome milk from the farm and expect your children to tell you the truth
that political correctness can dissolve the fear and stuntedness which lies at the heart of bigotry
that people who are blind to their own splitting and disassociation and projection can effect harmonious change...
that you can fight cancer and environmental degradation and diabetes and sex trafficking and every other symptom whose roots you ignore with five minutes of attention and a small donation on one day a year

isn't it clear?
the universe is created
out of habits
words are a ritual we practice, more often than any other
we invite in the wild wolves of thought and then act surprised
when they gnaw at our wings and legs
so that we gradually loose the power
to walk and fly

emancipate language from the subjugation and colonisation
of commodification and media manipulation
move away from splitting and projection towards integration
leave tokenism behind, not mothers day or fathers day or cancer or earth day
but every day
like breathing, like walking, like brushing your teeth...

begin with a new daily ritual
check the labels
you have placed on your self
maybe you’ve missed something
that begs to be seen.

let compassion rule as the sovereign force in the universe
may it annihilate all barriers in its way
may it nudge all stunted process back into flow
acknowledging all beginning and end points are arbitrary
and all process is postponement
may it practice viveka - discrimination -
not in the sense of exploitation but to
see the rope from the snake
as in owning an impulse vs acting on it
as in telling benign from malign prejudice,
may It be revealed as such to me and to you

on that day
the body will exhale
our doubts will come galloping
over the hill like cavalry
each one an ugly duckling transformed
and the mind's chatter
will be a sweet serenade
letting us know
Adonai hu Elohim
the Lord of barriers and borders
is the Lord of unrestricted space

and that day is today
_____________________

my child
immanuel suttner is famous
because he had a house
immanuel suttner is famous
because a dog with large paws did follow him
wherever he would go
immanuel suttner is famous
for relocating mice
immanuel suttner is famous for the
spirituality of his semens
immanuel suttner is famous
for his commitment to cleaning up chicken poo
immanuel suttner is famous for his
steady tauran wife
immanuel suttner is famous for being
a father of note
immanuel suttner is famous
for the bargains he triumphantly brought home from the supermarket
immanuel suttner is famous
for his nagging
immanuel suttner is famous
for his anxiety that things would not get recycled
immanuel suttner is famous
for embarrassing his family
by crawling backwards on the beach
immanuel suttner is famous
for sons
more famous than he

Here lies Immanuel Suttner
feet splurged outwards
asleep, asnoring,
one eye open
listening to the
news in Hebrew

by ministerial decree he will henceforth be known as is

is is famous for creating businesses that never got a single client

is is famous
for the milk and shampoo wars
is is famous
for resting a while
is is famous
for his timorous roaring
from behind the screen
is is famous
for his free floating intellect
is is famous for collecting
family artifacts and resentments
is is famous
for his identification with the
underthingamajig
is is famous
for their verbal smokescreen
during which time
they got away
is is famous for the soft depths of their kidneys
and the passed-over wisdom
of their intestinal tract?

is famous
for his bird like foward poking
head
is famous
for gazing at trees then bowing
in heartfelt prayer
is famous
for his oppression of mosquitoes
is famous for his shabbos burps
is famous for suddenly darting
into massage parlours
is famous for his love of song
is famous
for blowing his nose
and discreetly thumbing it

here lies is
pomegranates growing from his groin
wild oregano from his hair
in the golden fields
of eretz yisrah'ail
now all has been heard, here is the conclusion
he is is a sweet boy
tho' he howls and moans
and if you see him
please give him a hug
and send him on home to
Me
__________________________

my child

immanuel suttner is famous
because he had a house
immanuel suttner is famous
because a dog with large paws followed him
wherever he did go
immanuel suttner is famous
for trapping and releasing mice
immanuel suttner is famous
for the way he picked words
like flowers, and arranged
them in a see through jar

immanuel suttner is famous for the
spirituality of his semens
immanuel suttner is famous
for his commitment to cleaning up chicken shit
immanuel suttner is famous for his
rock steady tauran wife
immanuel suttner is famous for being
a father of note
immanuel suttner is famous
for the bargains he triumphantly
brought home from the supermarket
immanuel suttner is famous
for his nagging
immanuel suttner is famous
for his anxiety that things would not get recycled
immanuel suttner is famous
for embarrassing his family
by crawling backwards on the beach
immanuel suttner is famous
for sons more famous than he

here lies Immanuel Suttner
feet splurged outwards
asleep, asnore
one eye open
listening to the
news in Hebrew
by ministerial decree he will henceforth be known
as is

is is famous for creating businesses that never got a single client
is is famous
for the milk and shampoo wars
is is famous
for resting a while
is is famous
for his timorous roaring
from behind the screen
is is famous
for his incisive free floating intellect
is is famous for collecting
family artifacts and resentments
is is famous
for his identification with the
underthingamajig
is is famous
for his verbal smokescreen
under cover of which
he got away

is is famous for the soft depths of his kidneys
and the passed-over wisdom
of his intestinal tract

is, famous
for his avian foward poking head
is, famous
for gazing at trees then bowing
in heartfelt prayer

is, famous for suddenly darting
into massage parlours
is, famous
for his oppression of mosquitoes
is, famous for his shabbos burps
is, famous for his love of song
is, famous
for blowing his nose
and discreetly thumbing it

here lies is
pomegranates growing from his groin
wild oregano from his hair
in the golden fields
of eretz yisrah'ail

now all has been heard,
here is the conclusion of the matter
is is a sweet boy
and if you see him
please give him a hug
rest awhile in his shade
and mail all his seeds home to

Me

(from November 6 2013)

don't turn on the radio
stay with the tree
the sky
the humble dust
the breath
that isn't even yours

________________________________
It's easy to find G-d in a grove of trees
A lot harder to find Her in corruption or disease
________________________

My commitment: I will give whatever it takes to take whatever it gives

_________________
Do cycle of poems called "conversations"
between parent and child
dog and owner
people in a pub
on facebook / smartphone
work conversation

and so on...
________________

Five Hebrew phrases reimagined:

arfilei tohar
shtei luchot ha brit
ish chayil
kisei hakavod
tikun olam
t'filat haderech
tikun chatzot


_______________

At the protest rally
the air was thick with
terminology and
passion
mine being for
the soulful
young females
who minced about
in embroidered chinese slippers
or chanted
purposefully
beneath tangled crowns of hair
their t-shirts and ethnic blouses
packed with sweet promise
and I, struck dumb 
by helpless longing, my
mute semi-presence
watched the proceedings
from behind the flat glass
of a drifter's seahole
through which I could
hardly be seen


_________________

Just once I'd like
to be desired
for my body
as much as my mind
in fact, for my body
more than my mind
and in fact
more than once

_____________

That moment of sweetness
when she enfolds your penis
_____________________

Sometimes
when I don't know what to do
with the present moment
I try to escape it
with a poem
___________

I go to the barber
who is old and sweet
I imagine it is Ramana giving me the haircut
he lays his hands on my head
and sets me free.
___________

In the place
where a 100 year old
Moreton bay fig stood
larger than a living thing
could plausibly be
now stands a pile of woodchips
surrounded by green grass
and behind it a parkscape
the tree had hid
I cannot truthfully say
that I love that space
any less than the tree
____________

Reality

My nervous system
has been set jangling
like a bunch of random keys
whose locks have long since perished
like a bell that tolls
in an endless cemetry
yet how I love
the almost imperceptible stain
on the coat of the woman
in front of me
_________________________ 


One day I looked down
and there was a pair of old men's legs
attached to a young mind
I wonder who they belong to?

___________________________
  
I'm invested heavily
in trees and earthworms
in piles of rotting leaves
in rainwater and ladybirds  

I took out a margin loan
on thank you cards
acknowledgement
course-correcting
long warm hugs
keeping my word

I've sunk resources into breath
into stretching and doing less

I have banked on dog-walking
at the regular time
and discovered the list of important tasks
I reluctantly set aside
was fiction
there was nothing to do


and now my stock is rising
the dividend is coming in
and the pay out of contentment
is in multiples of ten

Hedge shares 

the yield 

I even took a margin loan
when someone mentioned
the next big thing would be
random acts of kindness
and senseless acts of beauty
______________

"yes, well, I had a lot of luck as well... 

let me show you around the place
that? that's just a small thing I picked up
its called a chicken, and that is a broccolli
and that is an earthworm
worth?
the insurers
can't even put a value on them"

 __________

My quiet song
has been playing in the background
for so long
I have forgotten
that even worlds colliding
are not as loud
__________________ 


In the morning I lay an egg
then leave my house
to try and scratch out a living
as all G-d's creatures must
and when I return
to my humble home
as the sun is setting
though I search for them high and low
my eggs have always vanished
tell me friends, I beseech thee
have you seen my eggs?
_________________

At Budderim not Buderoo
Alphonso ate his Kangeroo
and when the moon arose that night
he danced around the firelight

_________________________


INSURANCE

If my garden gets burnt
I will still have a photograph
and if the photograph gets burnt
I will still have my memory
and if my memory gets burnt
I will still have Now
Hoveh
Yehoveh
forever and ever
amayn
__________________
when you said you was leaving
I could not condone
cutting your life line
a long way from home 

you gotta get work
you won't make it alone 
remember I warned that
you're a long way from home

if you get sick you can
still call on the phone
but I can't wipe your brow
such a long way from home

this aint kindergarten 
they'll call in the loan
and no one will bail you
when you're far from your home

you'll be like the beggars
all dirt rags and bone
cos baby I warned ya
you're a long way from home

__________________
 Ridle me ridle me ree II

I was a producer
but I am not a producer
I taught
but I am not a teacher
I sub edited
but I am not a sub editor
I went a whoring
but I am not a whore
I worked as a counsellor
but I am not a counsellor
I wrote books
but I am not a writer
I fathered children
but I am not a father
I was born of man
but I  am not a son

___________________________

Its not easy to find uses for poetry

you can't hang it on the wall
to show you're wealthy and distinguished
you can't use it to unblock the sink
it will not take a headache away
it will not warm your fingers
on a chilly day

poetry is not feasible; it rarely pays for itself
it can sometimes soothe a thought-wound, true
bring some comfort, a panadol for the emotions

but you can't drive it to work
it won't keep out the rain
when you sprain your ankle
it won't block out the pain 


____________

Sort of About Helena

From a bus window
I glimpsed the straw hat
of a gardener who tended
the greenery
in our old building
and quickly filled in
her red hair, green eyes
cheroot, boots,
manly stance,
long jean clad legs
on impulse i rang the bell
and at the next stop
limp leaped off
and doubled back to where she had been
clipping some ground cover
imagining delighted surprise and how we would warmly greet
and exchange a few words as
we reminisced about the good old days
that never were
ending with the warm hug
of two strangers in the city
each trapped in their inexorable routines
who have found a brief island of kinship and connection
but when I caught up
it was a man
so I walked on by
_____________
People munching at MacDonalds
muncha muncha munch
cows are processed at the abbatoir
people are processed at lunch

 __________________
Biyoor Chametz

DUSTING OFF THE UNIVERSE

When i leave my room
to begin dusting off the universe
I do my work tirelessly
I sweep away factory farms
and underpaid workers





the sadness of addiction
 
and unmet needs
I sweep away fear of death
and fear of life.
Things that have lain hidden
in cobwebbed cupboards
since the dawn of time
are pulled into the airy light
and, seen in the breath of fresh air,
melt to nothingness
I mop up cruelty
along with judgements about what is cruel
I sweep away resentment and blame
no matter how sticky they are
I polish every thing with contentment
and gratitude
both inside and outside.
The crusty thought that has calcified
on the surface of the mind
is softened and sold as fertliser
for unpredictable seeds that bear
fruit sweeter than you or I
could ever have imagined



Kadish (lezichra shel Batya Jaspan z"l)

May the name that every person
takes or makes
be blessed enough
as was yours -
child of God

Not knighted or praised, not glorified and exalted,
not decorated and adored and lauded,

but honoured, acknowledged and well regarded
by the honourable 
be

not so much just your name, but the work of your hands
and your heart
(blessed she)

above and beyond all the blessings,
hymns, praises and consolations
that are clung to in this world

May the earnest prayers
of the House of Israel
be accepted by the Source
who is present in the Dining Hall
the Clinic
the Children's Home
and amidst the trees
of the hills of Yehudah

As the sun sets over the cotton fields
may there be abundant peace
contentment, equilibrium, satisfaction, help,
comfort, refuge, redemption, forgiveness,
remembering and forgetting
for us and for all who love you

May the One who makes peace low and high
(God knows we do our best)
grant peace upon us
and on all those who mourn that
the light has flickered and dimmed for a while
before it shines again from
North, South East West
above Tzora and Pilgrims Rest

_____________

I knew a kibbutznik
who worked in the laundry by day
And at night slipped little poems under peoples doors
regarded as eccentric he was gossiped about
in the dining room
or after passing on the path
as happens in small communities
 
one day he silently
handed me a little booklet of his poems
photocopied and stapled
and I still have it
somewhere

____________________

Great insights often come suddenly
like a star exploding
in the inky black sky of the unmanifest
they don't come from
torturing laboratory rats
and carefully taking notes

_____________________

To a poetry editor

You haven't taken ought of mine
so I'm not going to waste my time
casting my pearls before swine
there are pleny who'll drink my wine
____________________

You cannot take
What is not given to you
Even if by force or cunning
The heart of the matter will elude you
_____________

I tell myself
I will begin again
I do not begin again
I tell myself
I will end
I do not end
I tell myself
I will go
I do not go
I tell myself I will come
but first I must leave

-----------------------

Your gap toothed breasts beneath a cotton blouse

How your atoms danced for me
in layers of unease and free
we tried to harness biology
like the wave tried to subjugate the sea
 _______________

I saw your pixels on a moving train

Do you have parents
or were you born from the sea
and would you share
your breasts with me

perhaps we can meet with tears or laughter
with no before and who knows what after

you wear your body and I'll wear mine
there's  a diamond in a cave that
emerges in time / perhaps a diamond
will emerge in time

________________

When Moshe went into the desert
he carried his personal history with him
and even after 20 years
of living with the Midianites
he still spoke with a South African accent
Still carried with him
his personal history
like the tabernacle of the Lord

___________________ 

Obituary #47:

"we miss his farts
we miss his burps
we miss his outraged
and outrageous chirps
____________

Gateh gateh paragateh*

Its not easy being a poet
With a disordered personality
I stand and look at plants
and animals wistfully
I snap at people who snap at me
at the merest thought I'm being slighted
my fragile self esteem tumbles and falls
I stop speaking to you
but it ends as punishment for me
I sentence myself
to hours in solitary
but suddenly from nowhere - space
and I can see it all from a different place
so often i am called and become
a grateful state of grace
compassion and resilience return 
I love to set things straight
my Teacher in whose word I trust
has brought me to the gate

__________________________ 

I inspect my plants
like a commander inspects his soldiers:
"Good
"Get those aphids off you"
"Very good"
"Stand up straight or I'll have you tied to a post"
"Where are your leaves?"
"Excellent"
"Remove that caterpillar or I'll knock it off you"
"Very nice" 
and before I dismiss myself
I take a few moments
to gaze at my troops
with quiet satisfaction
________________________

יין בן חמץ
עצב בן שמחה
שמחה בת עצבות
דמעות בנות פרידות
נצח בן רגע
______________________

Everyone gets swept along by an illusion
everyone wakes up
you in your turn
and I in mine
_________________ 
Not by petrol or by diesel
Saith the Lord
but by my spirit
Shall you move

Not by the joy of belonging to a tribe
and not by the sadness of not belonging to all tribes
saith the Lord
but by my spirit
shall you be what you are

________________________

Please G-?d
allow me to be of service
in ways more wonderous and incompehensible
bigger and tinier
than the mind could ever conceive

let me marvel at your intricate weaving
as you surprise me again and again
____________

when I was young
some adult said to me
I had to stand on my own two feet
but when I looked down
I could not see anyone else's feet there

__________


I bequeathe to my children
the Pomegranate tree
and if the fire devours it
I bequeathe to them the charcoal

I bequeathe to my children
the piano keys
chipped like teeth
from chewing notes
their granny played
In Benoni and Johannesburg
and their mother played
In Joburg and Sydney

I bequeath to my children
the Hebrew books they cannot read
and the Yiddish ones I cannot read
but keep
as a vague monument to an amputated limb

I bequeath to them the English books -
the big words and the small
enjembements, commas and full stops
with the caveat that
no matter how delightful
the pointing finger
will never be the moon

I bequeath to them time in the garden
I bequeath to them time with friends
I bequeath to them time with creatures
that do not speak with words
bequeath to them my receptive memory
for phrase and lyric, for all that resonates
beauty, gesture, essence, feeling
bequeath to them
my tidal heart

see  http://dougholder.blogspot.com/2016/04/the-sunday-poet-mano-suttner.html

_______________

Where there are connecting conversations
there the divine presence dwells
_____________
My guru lives across the road
my guru sleeps with me
my guru has no ashram
my guru has no fee
__________________

Stop!
the very first word you utter
must be cross examined
until what you meant by it
and what I understood by it
are no longer assumed

___________________________ 

It just so happened
that it

just happened

and everything that ensued from it

discussions, interviews , commentaries, spin offs, tweets, face books posts, likes, dislikes, syndicated cartoons, protest marches, divorces, meals gulped down, wear and tear, and eventual disinterest as the
next thing

just happened

were all an inseperable part of what

just happened

and each part begat
many parts
unto the 1000th generation
and each one

just happened

so follow the vectors back
to where the head meets the tail
until you grasp it

just happened
_____________________


Let's Pretend

While evidence was being gathered
to formulate an evidence based national policy
the evidence changed
the researchers changed
the measuring stick changed
the funders changed
the fashion for seeking authority in evidence changed
the researcher bias changed
and by the time the policy was formulated
it reflected an aproximation that 
enough people felt enough comfortable with
and enough people felt uncomfortable with
to begin the search for new evidence
and that is why
if you want confirmation
of the truths you already know
before you gather evidence
schedule a meeting
with the gatherer

_______________________

My name is Richard Suttner
my address is 42 Halford Avenue
Waverly Extension
My phone number is 40 28 44
My dad's name is Ron, he's an electrical engineer
My mom's name is Freda she's a nursery school teacher
When I am big I want to be a spaceman
___________________  

 may we play fluidly
land lightly
let go elegantly
get out of our own way
beautifully
________________

Ego is like a merciless rider whipping us tired donkeys on; no wonder we try to throw it off with our drug of choice, so that its sting will be temporarily replaced by numbness or bliss
_____________________________

For every responsibility there must be an irresponsibility, to restore universal balance

______________________

If only I had a bigger smart phone
I could sit in restaurants on my own
I'd always have a place to call home
I wouldn't get bored when I am alone
if only I had a bigger smart phone
______________________________

wha...?
klip klop
scratch scratch
coming
pad pad
- no barking ! -
moonlight. streetlight.
neighbours van
pad pad pad
dry. cup. glug glug glug.
pad pad
tinkle tinkle
stinks. inhale
ahhhh...is that a mozzie?
bang. missed.
pad pad pad
- inside
klip klop klip klop
- whatimesit?
- dunno

________________________

 no one is valuable or worthless but thinking makes it so
____________________________

Poems 2015

(What do you do)
when a famous person
whose fame, having reached the tipping point
has begun perpetuating itself
as a house hold reference point
uses their fame
their access to platforms
their brand
when someone is seeking an example:mother theresa
the dalai lama 
to make a group wrong
to judge harshly
rather than understand
to fling adjectives and opinions around
that are designed to inflame the passions
when they ask you to sell your family
betray your history
turn your back on that which formed you
ask you to sacrifice
that which they will not
to earn their praise and acceptance


when a person
lauded for their moral leadership
selectively witholds their empathy
and seems to see only bad in you
and only good in your enemies
cruel and implacable as they are
hardening entrenched positions
fuelling old hurts

does their moral stature slip a little

__________________________

Safety
When I drive I scan the road repeatedly
for cyclists
pedestrians
people turning right from the wrong lane
attractive women with large breasts
____________________________



Feeding the fire

feeding the fire
are words like "betrayal" "abused" "murdered"
"rejected" "abandoned"
water and balm are words like
"
_____
America

Driven mad
perhaps by lies
or meaninglessness
and the mirage of connection
another child-man
takes out his toy pistol
and sprays his fellow citizens
with real bullets
____________________

At the funeral
we clutch onto
our prayer books and umbrellas
as if they were life itself
_____________

I passed
like a black horse in the night
unseen
lines of causality
shimmering in the air
perhaps
perhaps not
when the mind
grows desperate
for something
salty
or sweet
see how long
it can chew on
I don't know 

___________
The Torah as Tao

The Torah is compard to water
which always flows
to the lowest point
from the highest point
and is best carried
in an empty vessell
______
like tatters in the wind
something feels so fragile
is it my words?

______________
In the morning
when I open the gate
the hens
hungry to eat
rush out
over my foot
each one
as light
as a
feather
_______________________
 

The magical moment when it is seen that your chains are your wings

_______________

If everything you touch turns to sand how come you still have fingers?

________________________
at a particular
time and place
the mind and breath slow
to an easy pace
and the SatGuru
emerges 
from the ground of space

___________________

There is plenty to do in the future
there was plenty that could have been done in the past
there is nothing to do
right now
_________________________

Lean into the wind
don't stand by the door
_______________________



Its 7 o Clock and here is the news

Its 7 o Clock and here is the news

Paw paw trees prefer mildly acidic(?) soil
your liver knows exactly what to do
a snail got away, one did not
the funeral will be held by ants
people got tangled up in thought
again
weeds and clouds
escaped unnoticed
toenails grew quietly in the night
Someone forgave herself 
Someone else put a chocolate under your pillow
the note read: "there is food in the fridge, I love you"
doctors sewed up
the hole in the heart
photographs of faces
shortly after death
reveale its not so bad


________________________

Ella went to the beach
paddled in the water
and leapt and danced in the sand
the wind came up
clouds gathered
she came home
and pranced around the yard
mouth open to catch the raindrops
when the thunder roared
she grew loud as well
frenetically running
through the house
much later
she fell asleep on the bed
and twitched and shuddered
in her sleep
I can only imagine
what dogs dream about
_______________________

I value myself because I know how to receive as well as take
I am excessive in nothing including righteousness
I still recall how to be playful and imagine will do so til the moment the body drops
I practice reading the letters G-d writes me and letting go daily
I'm a sensual sensuous being who experiences the full gamut of human emotions
I folow my bliss and do not choke it with seemingly pragmatic considerations
I surge towards balance in all things
I am mindful that my heaviness does not betray my lightness
I take nothing for granted
I long for the redemption and liberation from the sadness of ephemerality of much name and form

__________________________
PRAYER FOR BALANCE AND DEHOMOGENISATION

Rabeynu shel olam
Hidden One of the world
in places that have never seen
an observant Jew walking with their lulav and etrog in hand
let there be many observant Jews
in places where there are only observant Jews let there be
free thinking Jews
Jewish heretics,
Jews who hang glide and eat sushi on Yom Kippur
Jewish plumbers and civil engineers
tradesman, fisherfolk, basketball players and
Professors of Japanese art
and best of all
let it not be an either or
______________________

a memory-picture:
my dad is working with a jigsaw
it has a strong die cast iron head
and a round blue motor housing
it lives in a red rectangular
metal box, the kind you don't see
any more
with yellow blades for wood
and blue blades for metal
we're building something together
probably a model railway layout
and at some point he lets me
have a go with the saw.
 
now rub out 
the backyard 
long gone
rub out
the model railway
rub out
the saw and its blue and yellow blades
rub out the metal box
rub out the South Africa of 1975
long gone
rub out my dad
interred in West Park cemetry
rub out eleven year old me
never to return

what remains of 
that then in this now?
something
that is not a thing
if you like
you can call it
love
____________


POEM FOR EREV YOM KIPPUR 5776

Sydney is different today
even though most of the people here
neither know nor care
that Yom Kippur is approaching
the roads are emptier
the streets are quiter
the buildings more thoughtful
and pensive
a solemn joy
wells up from the manholes
the notion that there could ever be
such a thing as a mistake is revealed in its
hilarious absurdity
an August breeze blows
swaying trees and rearranging plastic bags and tired thoughts
sweeping away past and future
and these words

_______________

The heart’s slight sleight of hand

how it opens and shuts

without hardly moving, how

cattle lowing in a truck

become good economic data

how one person sees a terrified child

the other a future terrorist

one a grieving family

the other their familiar kept safe.

______________

I have watched the bbc for years

cherry picking “the news” re Israel

you know when someone is out to get you

and you can do no right in their eyes

and you know how it is with groups

how its comfortable to say the things

that seem to make you acceptable

this is how it works in newsrooms and bars

where journalists hang out

they report for each other

__________

The truth eludes

but these are some snapshots of me

trying to catch it by its disappearing tail

as it exits frame right

like a mythical good-luck dragon

_____________________________________

Hanevicha shel Balak hakelev hameshotet

havhavEloheemEloheem
havhavEloheemEloheem
havhavEloheemahah
havhavEloheemahah
ahahEloheemavah
ahahEloheemavah
ahahavah
ahahavah
ahah
(repeat as many times as needed)
________________________________

Untitled

my heart is a very private thing
not like a bird on a bower I sing
but like a cricket in long grass
who halts his song when strangers pass

______________________________________

INVENTORY

One 51 year old body, +/- 400 000kms
a drawer of socks
a bag of midnight regrets
one lawn complete with ants and dog droppings
a mortgage
some children
one wife

From my father, may peace be upon him:
a shellac 78rpm “Jelly Roll Morton and his Red Hot Chili Peppers”

and a 2-8-0 Rivarossi model steam locomotive

a swimming pool filled with gratitude.

one female dog
three female spinnifex hopping mice
some middle aged unrequited longings
a slowly stiffening routine
sixty white Lexipro next to the bed
because of the fear at dawn
an empty mezuza case
filled with the vastness of G-d

and whenever Life calls it to melt or enlarge

a heart quickly moved in its ribbed garage

_____________

Researchers have found
that water is wet
that sadness makes the bones heavy
that the mouth hole is connected to the arse hole
that a positive correlation between the proboscis and the sense of smell 
is possible and probable 

we now know that what we call meat is actually the striated muscle of ungulates

and that eating small amounts of chocolate will not significantly decrease your life span, unless done while laughing and snorkelling at the same time 
and this vast new wealth of knowledge is being prodded and poked by expert committees and working sub groups and advisory panels even as we speak
bringing us much closer to finding cures
for an ever expanding array of ailments that no one had heard of
50 years ago

______________

When I thought I was an urn

I worried about the other urns

When I thought I was a wave

I worried about the sea

When I thought I was no thing

then no thing worried me

_______________________

A good husband who can find him
for his price is above shares in banks or mining houses
he takes out the garbage, he loads the dishwasher
he cuts his toe nails, he puts down the seat
trims his nasal hairs, fixes more than he breaks
he unblocks the sink, does maths with the children,
he takes them to sport, and cooks up a storm
he leads the dog to green pastures and rinses her bowl
folds up the linen and puts it away
he handles his needs without bothering his wife
who contentedly snores at his side
his shoe cupboard declares his fancy footwork all his days
and in the evening obituaries quietly sing his praise

____________________________________

TO ISAAC BABEL

sometimes I let 
the Dog choose the path
The Spring is in Her

so let Spring find the way
Autumn will decide 
some other day.

___________________________

Oh ego
mean and bitter
summitless hill
and yet I insist
on climbing you still

_________________________

In stillness and darkness
in the mushroom shed of the mind
new poems sprout

_____________________

Emigration

It felt
like there was a war going on
I ducked my head low
to avoid the shouts, whistles
bombs and bullets
there was a bang and blinding flash
and then I could not see
I crawled on my belly
crawled and crawled
my eyes tightly shut
til I seemed to enter
some kind of tunnel
I crawled on further
til the explosions and shouting
were only a vague rumble in the distance
then I lay there in the quiet.
panting, not moving,
my fingers stroking the earth beneath them
so glad to be
safe
after what seemed like ages, when my breathing had
stilled, I raised my head, it bumped
against something.
I tried to move my foot but it
struck some sort of barrier
I tried the other leg -
something held it fast
I dared to open my eyes a little
gradually my sight returned
and I was able to glance around.
I was in a suburban house
in a Sydney suburb
with a mortgage disappearing into the future
and a sell by date

stamped on my forehead
receding into the past.

______________

THE FOUNDLING
My mother laid me at the foot of the fence
on my back, quiet and wrinkled,
and as if in a well, I gazed from below
'til she fled as one flees from a blow
and I gazed up at her, as from if in a well
and the moon like a candle raised high.
But that very same night
at the appointd hour
I returned to my mother's house
like a ball rolling back
to one who kicked it away
I return to her house
like a ball rolling back
caressing her neck
with hands of shade
Before the Almighty,
from her throat she tore me
as if I were some kind of leech
but when night came down
I returned as before
and this has become our pact:
as before, at night-fall, I return
and she bows to my whip lash 
The doors of her dream are wide open to me
and no one is there but I
for the love of our souls is still taught
like a bow, from the day I was born
because the love of our souls remains taught
and can never be given or taken away
Thus 'til the end, God has not moved me
from my mother’s groaning heart
and I - who was severed without being weaned
will not be parted or moved
and I - who was severed without being weaned
enter her house and lock the gate
She aged in my jail and grew barren and shrank
and her face grew folds like my own
then I dressed her in white with my tiny hands
like a mother dresses her babe
then I dressed her in white with my tiny hands
and carried her off without saying to where
I placed her at the foot of the fence.
gazing quietly on her back
and she looked at me, laughing, as from if in a well
and we knew our battle was done
and she laughing, looked up
as from if in a well
and the moon like a candle raised high

Natan Alterman ( 1910-1970)
Translated by Immanuel Suttner
______________________________________________
Natan Alterman was one of Israel's greatest modernist poets, and renowned for his metrical virtuosity. The above translation is of one of his poems that is very difficult to translate and yet preserve the original prosody and rhyme scheme: Note the poem is written in atbash format - that is the first verse (verse "aleph") parallels the last verse (verse "taf"), the second verse (verse "bet") parallels the penultimate verse ( verse "shin") and so on....with the middle verse acting as a bridge between the two parallel sections. Here is the first verse transliterated so that the English reader can get a sense of the original:
Hanichatni imi leraglay hagadayr
kmut panim veshokayt, al hagav
va’abit ba milmatah, kemo min habe’ayr
ad noosah kehanas min hakerav
va’abit bah milmatah, kemo min habe’ayr
veyarrayach alaynu huram kemo nayr

______________________________

I never did anything good or bad
it was the desire for applause

that made me swell
and the fear of ending

that made me shrink

hoping death would not find
my hiding place

it was the cells, the moon
the stars, the knife,

the wind, the tides, the rain
I watched them roar and flicker
convinced that it was me

_________________

Swing low, sweet chariot

When I died
I found myself

in a sort of no man's land
brown and bare,

festooned with litter,

dried human turds
and rusty razor wire.

In the distance

the gates of heaven
so near and yet so far.

Too tired and heavy to move I lay
looking up at the darkening sky
when like the door of a nagmash
the gates fell down
and out poured the righteous
of every faith and time.

They unfurled a stretcher
and gently lifted me up
singing

no one gets left behind

_______________________________

* Kafhakelah – Hebrew – in betwixt and in between, neither here nor there, in Kabbalah a soul that wonders between olamhazeh and olamhabah

* APC - armoured personnel carrier
_________________________________

We stopped after dark at a red traffic light
the most beautiful red I had ever seen

Such love I felt, I could have lingered forever
and was utterly bereft when it winked and turned green
___________________________

RECYCLING

The night sky
is a big black plastic

garbage bag
into which some yawning

galactic worker

at the end of their shift

(having spotted it on the floor)

has carelessly chucked the earth

and in the places
where a child

of the universe
has punched holes

with an interstellar
bic pen
little stabs of light
seep in

on one side
a large gash

perhaps from overuse
they tape up the hole but

each month
it slowly falls apart
revealing seas

and a kindly face

and in the morning a different worker
blinking and rubbing her eyes
rolls up the bag
and stuffs it behind the sun

ready for the night shift
to use again

_______________________

Very occasionally

when hunger overwhelms shame
I duck out of the rest of my life

into a faded stale smelling

temple of forgetfulness

to find some relief
before going back

to the ones I love

Once two women

offered their bodies
for a certain amount

(plus 10% on amex)
one was from Thailand, the other from Taiwan
the Thai ineffectually rubbed my feet

but I felt too sorry for her to murmur anything but
how wonderful it was
the Taiwanese woman was more effective
her English better, her act generally slicker
when I turned over from stomach to back she took charge
I discovered a strange bony protrusion just above her coccyx
she said other clients had also commented upon it
and stopped for a moment to examine herself
and felt the area above the buttocks
of the Thai woman to compare,
then continued on me, wanting it over with,

but I asked her to wait a while longer
now sorry I'd paid the Thai to come along as she was
really rather absent as was I
popping in and out of an irksome disembodiedness,
as my body responded in its habitual arc

the Taiwanese whispered expletives in my ear and
I was like a faithful actor

determined to support us to play our roles
but also wanting my money's worth,

these moments of hoped-for bliss being rare.
I asked the Siamese to hold me from behind
so that I and the other woman could be more together
(you see how men really are monagamous)  
and they held me, and I held her,

and she whispered crude words perhaps some clients had liked

and I said I don't want fuck I want love
which is true

When I was done
and our humanity rushed back in
I thanked them and bowed,
bhuddha on the massage table
too vigilant not to blow the whistle

on my mr sensitive

but the melancholy I felt

was genuine enough
for them

and me

and all creation
so far away from home

______________________

There is a place 
called Lake Sadness
I do not visit often
and so it comes
to visit me
_______________

my heart is a very private thing
not like a bird on a bower I sing
but like a cricket in long grass
who halts his song when strangers pass

______________________________________

Lake Sadness:
I dive into its silky depths
roll down my windows
to let the inky darkness in
I sink down and down and down
until it is so everywhere
It might as well be Joy

__________________________

if you can hop and skip associatively
then my friend, you are living poetry

_________________________________

RECYCLING

The night sky
is a big black plastic garbage bag
into which some yawning galactic worker
having spotted it on the floor at the end of their shift
has carelesly chucked
the earth

and in the places
where a child of the universe
has punched holes

with an interstellar
bic pen
little stabs of light
seep in

on the other side
perhaps from overuse,
is a large gash some call the moon
they tape up the hole but each month
it slowly falls apart

and in the morning a different worker
blinking and rubbing her eyes
rolls up the bag
stuffs it behind the sun

ready for the night shift
to use again

_______________________

 

THE SICK PERSON'S PRAYER

Please G-d
allow me to take out the rubbish
to go to the toilet unaided
to feed the animals
to sweep the path
to wash the dishes
to sort out my daughter's uniform
to make a meal
to walk to where people gather
to plant spring flowers
to hang up loads of washing
if You will grant me this
I faithfully promise 

to rejoice in every moment

____________________

there is sight
here is seeing
there is doing
here is being

______________________

Zoreach kochav meyal
zoreyach kochav bifnim
lo nanuach velo nishkot
ad she yitmazgu
panim el panim

______________________

mishnayos for the poor
kabbalah for the rich
if you aint got much money
life is a bitch
once I had opinions
once I knew whats right
now I don't get involved
in anyones fight
give me bread so I may turn
with every fibre of my being
to look beyond what comes and goes
and waken from the dream

_____________________

Shabbat is the sun
around which the days of the week orbit
and in stillness and the blinding light
all doing is born

_______________________

Re agriculture and human hubris:
G-d produces
people manipulate

________________________

even the story
that I seek refuge
from the here and now
in abstractions
is just an idea

_____________________

I like to hang out every now and then
with words

_____________________

I suppose (somewhat reluctantly)
that if pleasure and pleasantness do not take you there
then pain will

Ray Perkel Depend on it. Therefore, you're safe.

__________________________

"If there is no flour, there is no poetry
and if there is no poetry, there is no flour"
Pirkei Immanuel 

·  Ray Perkel May you be blessed with flour and poetry in abundance all your days.

Immanuel Suttner amayn amayn, kayn yehee ratzon

_______________________________

Don't worry
if you don't say it
someone else will

_____________________

Dont wait...have your future right now!

______________________

SOD ( "secret")

As far as the ear can hear
as far as the eye can see
objects: hand, bird; litter; sensations: pleasure; pain
and every single one
a signpost back to me

______________


SHEMA

After the “dehhhh”
the silence
that was there before bereishit
_____________

bereishit – the beginning, the beginning of creation

_________________


I have this degenerative disease
that is very slowly
robbing me of my mobility
so that by the time I am dead
I will not be able to walk
________________________


Verbringen

I am at a party
with Ramana and Osho, Kabir and Rumi
the Baal Shem Tov and Dod Zvi
St Francis, Katie Byron, Rav Kook,
and Gangaji
we link hands, dance the hora
one-two-three
left righ-yet
one-two-three
left riot
faster we spin ‘til
our feet leave the floor
Osho’s beard flies
like a comet on the wind
Rumi is like
a sweet breeze at my side
Nisarghadattha tells me
it’ll be ok
the fruit will ripen
any day

on the edges the waiters
gaze wistfully
then fall into the dance
of eternity
_____________
Verbringen – Yiddish/German – to spend time in each other’s company
dod = uncle or cousin (Hebrew)
___________________

Jewishness as a wound
Jewishness as a vocation
Jewishness as a blemish
Jewishness as over compensation

Jewishness as a fashion statement
Jewishness as a  trumpet
Jewishness as a non-event
Jewishness as a status symbol
Jewishness as a quiet unassuming presence
Jewishness as a bridge or a fence

Jewishness as a non-event
Jewishness as a bridge or a fence
Jewishness as status symbol
Jewishness as  a quiet presence



_____________________

I have tinnitus of the legs