Poems 2019

Poems 2020 - Becoming the ocean

ME TOO

Cooler conditions
are suing fire fighters
for taking advantage of them

________

By G-d's grace
everything takes place
________ 

Trueism

At the time and
place
that the river dies
it is born again
as the ocean
____________

A deeper love

how i loved
every moment
of the journey
every rock and pebble
every fish and slime
the sluggishness of silt
and the rush of the canyon
but now
a greater love calls
_________

Can the ocean
become the ocean?
Can the sun
shine
on itself?
___________

do you see yourself 
as the river
the ocean
or the riverocean?
___________

may all beings
be happy and free
starting with me
__________

(for South Africans of my vintage:)
three things I remember:
public telephone booths reeking of urine
trolley buses
__________


I played hide
and seek
with G-d
and G-d
found
my hiding place.
That's All.
___________

GOING DOWN

Man dies
in submerged
elevator

______________

Mayachorei HaPargod

There is a three dimensional cinema
without ceiling or floor or walls
and into it the universe is projected
and behind the lens of the projector
is a curtain
and behind the curtain
is
__________

MYSTERY

Although the atoms are enraged
I remain calm

__________

someone is always
ripping a hole
in the heart of the world
and G-d is always
turning it into a skylight

 _________

I come home
to the dog and
the boys have tidied up 
and G-d
is all over the house
__________


Sometimes
on the long trip
back to the office
when I get lonely
if I could give G-d a call
I would
__________

I stop at a
lost in time
eatery
in the shire
staffed by a humble
hard working
immigrant Chinese
man and wife team
whose children will be
proctologists and actuaries
and order fish and chips
which arrives
not as greasy as I remember
but just as burpacious
and wash it down
with plastic tasting coke
just to be who I was
forty years ago
_________________

I saw on the news
there has been a serious outbreak
of contentment
the government
and chamber of business
are working hard to contain it
but in the meantime
new car sales
and divorce rates
are down 

______________________

Please G-d turn us into
a wall of steel
that stops the trophy hunters' bullet
into medicine
that heals the sick
cassava
that feeds the hungry
a blazing fire
that warms the cold
a waterfall that
slakes the parched

__________________________

Now that the fires have abated a little
let us use the reprieve wisely
to build containment lines
around out-of-control marketing
which invites us to endlessly devour
more than the body can contain
or the earth can offer
 
let us rebuild our neighbour's houses
and our own
not out of inflammatory convenience
and instant non-gratification
but out of slow-burning, meaningful journeys
which are long enough to reveal
the true value of things
 
let us prepare stockpiles of joy
and connection
so that people do not stream like lemmings
to horse races and bars,
cruise ships and neon malls
hungry for excitement and escape
but instead nourish themselves
with a soft internal rainfall
that falls in a measure that the
earth heart can absorb,
 
and dance like the breeze
that wafts from nowhere
to caress and kiss new growth
__________________

BURNT OFFERING
אבינו שבשמים

ובארץ
שבתוככי ובתוכך,
שרק האשליה החולפת של העור
מפרידה בינינו
תן לעלות על דעת היודע
שהפריחה הנצחית
חודרת
לכל מצב וצורה ומקום וזמן

Our father
who art in heaven
and in the earth
in me
and in you
and that only the fleeting illusion
of skin
divides us
may it arise
in the awareness
of that which is aware
that yourmy eternal blossoming
infuses every form, every state
every time and every place

_________________

On the last day of the world
the shops held a mega sale
the flames were licking at the door
as people exalted
in their bargains

_________________________________________________


Poems 2019

Calmness makes the limbs wise

_____

Thankfully my resistance
to change
will change
_______

Someone smashed
the tombstone
of a person who died
fifty years ago
someone else carefully put
some pork chops
in the kosher section
oh how sweet their revenge
what a blow they have struck
against the
thoughts that haunt them so
______________

Intimations of Immortality

at 2am

a 93 year old woman

tried to escape the aged care facility

she waited til the guard went

to make himself a cup of tea

then moving as fast

as her walker would allow

shuffled through the marble lobby 

and the sliding glass doors

out into the parking lot but

trying to scale the fence

fell and broke her hip

so she's back on the ward

again

yet for a moment

she was so close

to how it used to be

she could smell

wafting through the palings

from her recently 

put-up-for-sale house

the

frangipani 

in the garden

blooming, its arms open

to receive her.

_____
 The first time I saw the Sky
___________

A disposable nappy in paradise
_________

In an eatery
a man
playing a role of waiter
and I
playing a role of patron
glimpsed each other
briefly
but he did not know
how
or did not want 
to take off his mask
and I did not know how
or did not want 
to put mine on
______

WEALTH

I have enough funds
to draw the next breath
__________

On this
heating
cooling
flooding
drying
dying
birthing
expanding
contracting
planet
vastness
and vaster
above
above
beneath
beneath
and more
than more
here
it
is
this
this
here
now
_____________

Getting Naked

When you take off your makeup
and I take off my hunger
then I can really see
how beautiful we are

________________

Grace
On my death bed
I finally accepted
my Life
______________

The light was too big to contain

Its a puzzle:
from the scattered
seemingly shattered
pieces of your old life
you assemble
a new one
_______________

If you
wish to
be here
your wish
has been
granted
__________

not everyone wants informed debate
some people just want to hate
_____________________ 

I'm still waiting to see

the subversive website

where hungry people can go

to watch the pornography of intimacy

which shows people tenderly

offering to do the dishes

brushing their lover's hair

giving or receiving a foot rub

bringing the other a cup of tea

or when the other is unwell or unable
helping them dress or
go to the toilet and still
keeping in sight and heart
their irreducible dignity 
_______

“Have a nice day” (for Keane)
No
don’t have a nice day
because nice excludes 99.99 percent of human experience
have an awful day
have a sad day
have a numb day, if that’s what’s there today
have an ever shifting day
have an inscrutable moonbeam palace day
have a real day
have an authentic day
have an awe inspiring sink to your knees rise to the heavens day
have a dirty day
have an incoherent, fits of laughter day
have a surprising day
have a don’t have day
have a peaceful contentment and acceptance day
have a step in shit day
have a glorious day of ease
have a dunno what kind of day this is day
have a rough hewed jagged day
have a lie in bed paralysed day
have a day you have day
____________

A sea of dancing cosmos
in the breeze
may the heart find peace
beholding these
____________

 
as far as the ears can hear
being
as far as the eyes can see
and everything the senses know
a signpost pointing back to me
_____________

From FB Nov 18 2019 

Puzzle II

when someone asks
"how are you? "
what they mean is
"how is it that you are? "
and for that
I have no answer
________________

Nov 16

If you have been
to signal school
and grown ever more adept
at reading and heeding
the signs
Life grows
ever more effortless
___________

Nov 14

where are you going?
here
when will you leave?
now
when will you arrive?
now 

CIRCLE

I am anxious about the future
because I don't know if I'll be
able to retain what I have now...
which is anxiety about the future

_________________ 

THE SHADOW'S BENEDICTION

Blessed are you, O Lord, our G-d
who brings troubles to the peaceful
weariness to the energetic
silence to the talkative
slowness to the quick
sadness to the wedding
the subtle shade
to the harsh light
death to the birth
the last to the first
____________________

What can I do?
Make way for the king of glory...

______________

farewell to pomegranates
farewell to dust
farewell to peeling paint
farewell to rust
________________

I say to the trees, straggling
between asphalt and the mall
rescue us please
I say to the milk cows
lowing for their stolen calves
rescue us please
I say to the shark
sinking finless in the depths
rescue us please
for we know not what we do
______________

her veins
under her
well used skin
declare
her worth
and when
they kissed
his sweat
rolled down
her face
like tears
of joy
_______

Now human's best friend
was the dog
of time
that chewed up
everything
_______________

And so it has come to naught
as we knew it would
but weren't the sums
magnificent
_____________


I wonder if my poetry
can survive a nuclear war?
If so, I will use it as a bomb shelter

_____________

What are the minimum requirements for celebration?
Is a body required, and if so how much of a body?

_______________________

Can mold go moldy?
___________________

All generalisations are untrue, which means at least one generalisation IS true.
Which one is it?

________________

Is revenge really sweet. And if so for how long does the sweetness last?
I suppose it depends on the meaning maker's story about "revenge"

______________

Isn't it wonderful that we don't have to worry about dying or being born at the right time, and that G-d takes care of this for us?
________________

who was the one who did not want it, and who was the one that got it anyway? Are they two, or the same?
______________

I am not
sorry
that G-d
did not
give you eyes
to see me
through the veils
of day to day
drugery
yet
________
 

with apologies to Arnold Benjamin

fava beans
will set you free

_____________________

"eff off"
we used to say in South Africa
to express
the in eff able
______________

Throughout this entire crisis G-d has been incredibly strong, and we have not seen Him buckle or compromise even once. He has arranged everything impeccably.
__________________

DEPRESSION

After May comes June
and after June July
and so on and so forth

______________

All of us have equity in G-d

________________

 When the king said " will someone rid me of this turbulent knave" he was, of course, speaking of the mind.
___________

Apparently Australia
has a lot of space
but not much room
_______

Do you take this sky to be your lawfully wedded wife?
And do you take this earth to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Behold, in sadness and joy, in terror and ecstacy
I am betrothed to You
by the laws of Moshe and Israel
_____________

I don't know
how many people should be on the planet
how hot or cold it should be
how many species should appear and dissapear
how many countless billions of animals should live and die on factory operations
what thoughts and feelings I should have
how much fear and resentment and blame
should be on the internet
how many tears I should shed
but fortunately
Reality does
____________

 (Got  up to jun 26)

The Silence of the Jackfruits

scrub the skin off the jackfruit
pull the jackfruit
push the jackfruit
punch the jackfruit
smash the jacfruit
mash the jackfruit
with a splork.
roast the jackfruit
toast the jackfruit
singe the jackfruit
unhinge the jackfruit
beat the jackfruit
rub salt in the wounds
insult the jackfruit
jack the fruit off
leaving only a bit to hit
the road, jack
fruit can be packed
firmly into a small
colander, drain it
until pale and listless
leave standing for 24 hours
release
give a little air
immerse in water for a few minutes
allow the jackfruit to breathe
then
put the jackfruit in the fridge until it squeaks
when ready
place in oven at Farenheit 461
and then deny
you had anything to do with it
_________________



letters to a dead living wife
written while accepting the apology
that will never come
________________________

POEM FOR SHABBAT

Things happen to people
that they struggle to make sense of:
why was I born to this mother
why did our father leave us
why did I lose my job
why did this one live and that one die
why am I not content
why do I hunger so?

Things happen for people
that they struggle to make sense of:
I was born to this mother
Our father was someplace else
I have become available
everyone died and everyone lived
I can not accept anything less than the real
Why though my belly is already full
have you spread out a feast before me?
__________________

RIPENING

there is that moment
when you suddenly glimpse
that something you have been stuck on
no longer matters
and you can let it go,
when you feel
returning to it
is no longer natural
but something
you prop up out of habit
and that aroma
of the letting go
is like the time
you first
saw the ocean
or heard the whisper
of the stars
______________

RIPENING

Even when it happens
so slowly
or so deep beneath
the surface
that the flitting gaze
does not notice it
the alchemy of ripening
is taking place
all the time
everywhere
even
in the eye
that 

misses it


______

Often at work

or interacting with the broader world

I adopt an unnatural and

exaggerated generosity

lending money

and not asking for it back

contributing more than my share

to the farewell present

of a colleague who is leaving,

bringing in cake

for people to share

all just so as to make it harder

for those carrying stereotypes

about Jewish miserliness or supposed

love of money (and what the f%ck does that even mean)

to apply them to me

and unwittingly I nominate myself

as a representative

of an entire community

as their ambassador, vigilant to be on

my best behaviour

trying to be inhumanly perfect

in the vain hope

this will disrupt the projections

that hang unstated in the interpersonal air

or are obliquely referred to

by fellow workers who have never mixed

with Jews and who grew up in communities

where Jew-despising slurs

were common coin used to cement

group cohesion. And witnessing this tendency in myself

I recognise it in others. So walking in a

national park, with difficulty down some steep steps

to a waterfall, a bearded Moslem man, with his family,

politely steps aside for me and says "go ahead Sir",

and I sense that same urge to make a good impression, to show he is of the right stuff, civilized, belonging, acceptable,

and understand.

______________

Just like
a shimmering light
can not unblock the sink
or get you to work
so my poems
cannot feed
a starving child
or set a broken limb
or turn around the cattle truck
on its way to the abbatoir
but still they might warm you
a little at night
__________________

the sound and sight and feel of waves
can be very soothing and peaceful
if you have somewhere safe to go
when you've had enough of them
and so it is with everything...
that seems to offer a promise
of something better, sweeter
easier and kinder
when you arrive
know how to depart
_______________

if we are lucky
by the time we reach our fifties

we have become very schooled
and skilled
in 
 
this is how it is now
_____________

It seems to me
there is a natural order
and that animals were given limbs
to enable them to move
so that a pig prevented
from standing up or turning
in his rusting iron cage
or a chicken imprisoned
so she cannot
flap her wings
is a perversion of that order
and stains and dams
that river of innocence
that flows in childhood
and could still flow freely
to the great ocean
of mercy

____________ 

Learning to be
alone
peacefully
not at war
with my thoughts
or feelings
is a wonderful
journey
of discovery
____________

Every year
I go to the grave of my wife
and say a little prayer for her
even tho she's not dead
____________ 

What's your line? 

Lost in the depths
of a cartesian plane
I stumbled across an ex
"you are nothing to me"
I said. "Why?" they responded.
"You are nothing too" I plotted,
and placed them on a table.
then I followed that line up
with a run
and a rise
but in a gradated way,
placing the latter
above the former
and, after a surprising reversal
reached the places
where that line cut the axes
instead of the other way round 

_________________ 

I don't like it
when human beings
use dogs to hunt pigs
or any other animal
I don't like it for the dogs
I don"t like it for the pigs
I don't like it for the human beings
I don't like it for me
I don't like the sight of it
I don't like the sound of it
I don't like the thought of it.
Yes G-d created agression
so it must have its rightful place
and G-d created death
and every single one of us
are deaths' messengers
at one time or another.
I am trying to understand these things
I am trying to accept
what I apparently cannot change.
And yes, the past is a graveyard,
and it takes memory and imagination 
to go digging amongst the bones
of suffering that is already over.
Perhaps aggression can be alchemised
into risk taking and courage
in the service of Life
although I do not yet know
what that looks like,
but surely the abbatoir owner
and the abbatoir customer
and the abbatoir bystander
will lie down with the lamb
and neither they or their children
shall want
and in the meantime
brother bird
sister snake
hurting hunter
be elegant messengers
that we may awaken
speedily from the dream
for suffering that is impermanent
cannot have any more
absolute reality
than the joy that is fleeting
the intention matters supremely
so let all intentions be swallowed up
by the intention to realise
without delay
even in hell, amidst crematoria
and piles of hair and glasses.
the absolute freedom
that must always be here 
_______________ 

Dear G-d
Let the dairy cows keep their calves
soften the hearts and hands
of those who take the calves
and those who buy the milk
and soften their eyes as well
so they see the cows
not as food
but as friends
_____________

My older son
is spreading his wings
and no longer wants
much hands-on parenting
so
anticipating redundancy
am contemplating applying
for another role
once I find out
what that is

___________________

Babble on

Not knowing what to do

I ate

and not knowing what to do after I ate

I drank

and not knowing what to do after I drank

I tried to get a little sleep

and not knowing what to do when sleep evaded 

I went out into the streets

where people went about their business

and saw what they saw

and did not see what they did not see

and not knowing what to do with the loneliness

I sat down and wept

and remembered me

Zion

_________

Sometimes

I give G-d

an encouraging word:

"Come on Big Boy"

I tell Him

"you can do it"

'tho I have no idea

what it is

_____________

Conundrum

Because I found myself unable

to fully articulate a truth

I said things that sounded

like they could be true

and that's the truth

__________

The universe

will not sit down

and behave

I have given it

a stern talking to

on numerous occasions

but it just keeps on doing

its universe thing

___________

Women are born

with a body

that most men crave

sometimes they bestow it

at the top of a long flight of stairs

_______________

Like a gunslinger

who blew into the valley

and became a farm hand for a while

but was pushed by circumstance

to return to what he was

and move on

so I blew into this world

and. became for a while

a son, student, brother, soldier,

worker, husband, teacher, father

but am pushed by circumstance

to give up these roles

and return to being

uncast

_____________

Suddenly

mysteriously

the evening

manifested

__________________

 

Song of descents

One persons’ partner had an affair

anothers’ son turned out to be gay

someone’s body got something called cancer

another lost their life savings

to the extent

that people manage to

let go of the mind’s fantasy

of how it would and should be

the smile on their lips

will one day return

and descend

to the heart

____________

I am bitter

for it seems unavoidable

when vacuuming the house

that I destroy

some tiny creature

that does me no harm.

From the moment this body

was pulled

out of my mother's womb

born of a ceasar

whose cut weakened

her stomach muscles

it has been an unwitting

sometimes unwilling

but often willing accomplice

to the way things are

____________

Finding a Cure for Scientific Curiosity

In memory of the kitten
whose eyelid was sown up
and became blind in that eye...
in memory of the monkey
that had its finger amputated
and the one
that had its fingers sown together
and the one that had
its mother taken away
in memory of the nameless mice
each one with eyes
and a tiny
beating heart

while I am grateful
for the discoveries
about neuroplasticity
and positive psychology
and cancer
I felt the need
to mention them
and apologise
_______________

SELF PORTRAIT WITH FLOWERS

my child
immanuel suttner is famous
because he had a house...
immanuel suttner is famous
because a dog with large paws
would follow him
wherever he did go
immanuel suttner is famous
for relocating mice
immanuel suttner is famous for the
spirituality of his semens
immanuel suttner is famous
for his commitment to cleaning up chicken shit
immanuel suttner is famous
for being a father of note
immanuel suttner is famous
for the way he picked words like flowers,
and arranged them in a see through jar

is famous
for the bargains he triumphantly brought home
is famous
for his nagging
is famous
for his anxiety that things would not get recycled
is famous
for embarrassing his family
by crawling backwards on the beach

Here lies Immanuel Suttner
feet splurged outwards
asleep, asnoring,
one eye open
listening to the
news in Hebrew

by ministerial decree he will henceforth be known
as is

is is famous
for creating businesses
that never got a single client
is is famous
for the milk and cruelty-free shampoo wars
is is famous
for resting a while
is is famous
for his timorous roaring
from behind the screen
is is famous
for his free floating intellect
is is famous for collecting
family artifacts and resentments
is is famous
for his identification with the
underthingamajig
is is famous
for his verbal smokescreen
under cover of which
he got away

is famous
for his bird like
head
is famous
for gazing at trees then bowing
in heartfelt prayer
is famous
for his oppression of mosquitoes
is famous for his shabbos burps
is famous for suddenly darting
into massage parlours
is famous for his love of song
is famous
for blowing his nose
and discreetly thumbing it

here lies is
pomegranates growing from his groin
wild oregano from his hair
in the golden fields
of eretz yisrah'ail

now all has been heard,
here is the verdict:
is is a sweet man
tho' he howls and moans
so if you see him
please give him a hug
rest awhile in his shade
and send the fruit of his heart
home to
Me
__________________________

 

Tefilah - Petition

If I can help you and me

from primness to insanity

from prudence to abandon

from vigilance to letting-go

from past and future to now

please let me know how

__________________

Lost in time and lost in space

can we win the human race?

_______________

 

Ah, Presence, my bride

how mysterious your shifting veils:

anxiety

fear
grief
anger
uncertainty
helplessness
sadness

thank you for the way they part

to reveal your heartfelt

embrace

____________

After divorce

a tree is still a tree

a cloud is still a cloud

a smile is still a smile

the grass still sings

tears and

rain are

still wet

______________

 

The next dance is with sadness

she will twirl you round the floor

sometimes there'll be less

and sometimes there'll be more

but she will hold you tight

and guide you how to go

and when its time for the dance to end

both she and you will know

_______________

the cords that bind, the rope that keeps us safe

_____

Hello!?

You don’t have to be dead

to be Rumi

__________

With a bow to Kahil Gibran (perhaps put in fathers’ and sons section)

Once I was an arrow

now I am also a bow

please o archer

steady me

____________

(From Dec  21 2018…have got up to Dec 15 on FB)

In the shopping mall

I saw

a small young woman

with enormous breasts

and there was absolutely nothing

I could do about it

_______________

Immigrants
shaved of substance
by unexpected twists and
turns
seemingly condemned
to shades of isolation
and solitary confinement
bravely search for
beads of joy
and string the shards
of their shattered self-belief
together
as best they can
before stepping out
the front door

________________

The ground is pushing at my feet
The clouds weigh down on me / The clouds they way me down
because wherever I may go

my thoughts accompany

If I can find that verdant isle
where thought was never seen
I'll gently lay my heavy head
upon its fields of green

__________________

"Evidence based therapy?" Reminds me of a saying re the mountain of meaningless statistics gathered by the US army during the Vietnam war: "if you can't count what matters, the make what you can count matter. "

______________

QUESTIONS FOR A POTENTIAL CANDIDATE (posted FB Dec 8 2018)

will you bathe me in mother's milk
will you listen to me whine
will you clean my soiled washing
yet still see my light shine? 

will you lead me to water
and take me to dine
will you give me your heirlooms
will you give me your time?

will you take me to the moon
will you fetch me from mars
will you wrap me in shrouds
at the feet of the stars?

____________

FB December 5

Set the judgemental mind aside
o sons and daughters
of Chava and Adam
and return to the garden
of Eden
____________

I find that as I get older I get older. Does anyone else have this experience?
__________

The stages of change:
You have a belly button
You contemplate your belly button
You remove the fluff from your belly button
You have a belly button

______________

FB - Nov 30 2018

Like a kohen
I place my fingers
on her breasts
and bless them
as they bless me

______________

FB Nov 26 2018

Like breath
love gathers
in a certain
time and place
and then
exhaled
spreads out diffused
to every corner
of the universe
and waits
for the gathering
once again

________________

FB Nov 26 2018

Ch ch ch ch cha changes

A google maps image
November 2015
some trees and bushes
the fence a bit younger
two familiar cars
parked outside a house
everyone's still home