Poems 2020 - 5780

SONG FOR SHABBAT

 

I received a letter

summoning me to the palace of the king

and I was full of fear

but on the appointed day

I caught the bus

and waited at the gates of the palace

along with many others

and at the appointed time

the king emerged and said:

"you have all been awarded

our medal for extraordinary valour. I shall now read

the detailed citation, before you each receive your badge:

 

This honour is bestowed

for getting out of bed each day

ungumming tired eyes with caffeine and news blare

shaving, showering

strapping on your amour and, leaving behind

the familiar, the comforting, the loved,

the seemingly urgent things

that want attending to,

and stepping out

into the unknown, the unsafe,

the unreasonable, the uncomfortable,

or the merely dull and grey....

and doing it every day

again and again and again

and again

and then

when your day or night shift is over

returning home as your sacred duty

to fix whatever needs fixing most

to shlep whomever needs shlepping

to feed who ever is available to be fed

to put yourself and them to bed

perhaps to lie awake in dread

until sleep salves your weary head

again and again and again

and again."

 

And the king bent down

for he was tall

and when it was my turn

he pinned the medal to my lapel

and the prongs of the medal

pierced the wall of my chest

like swords, and went into the

inner chambers of my heart

which had been broken

and the King's kintsugi

filled the cracks

with an orange-silver-greenish-purple

yellow golden light

that made my heart more whole

than it had always been

somehow larger

than every sorrow

like the wailing wall

which is much better

than the Temple that

lorded above it once.

 

and I caught the bus back home

with the medal

and my heart

singing in my chest

_________

 

All of space and time

appear in it

but It has no location

or duration

my body shines

and sets in It

but it has no

feet or hands

________________

 

My youth was rich

with aunties and uncles

and first cousins

in ample supply

but now these precious resources

have dwindled

and only a few lights remain

scattered around the world

waiting for some future

reassembling

of the flame of family

__________________

 

The day will come

when patriots of all stripes

will proudly show off

their aged care villages

their animal shelters

their rehabilitation and recycling centres

the disused slaughter houses

the horse whipping tracks

turned into public parks

well maintained safe houses

for women and children

the man caves where young men

can find older wholer men to mentor them

the hospitals with extra capacity.

"These are the places

lonely people can get a hug

and here is where struggling parents

can get help and advice

and this is the govt funded

safety net

where those who have fallen into despair

receive, without conditions,

an encouraging word and an encouraging meal

here are our billboards

urging people to live within their means

and these are

the human libraries

where school children go

to hear refugees and folk-not-like-us

share their stories"

In our beautiful cities

and hamlets

everything that was once

hidden and forgotten

is

embraced and displayed

in this country, my country, your country

_____________________ 

INSRUCTIONS FOR A THREE YEAR OLD

 

This is the face you must wear

when reading a sad item on the news

and this is the face you must wear

while you are singing a hymn

this is the face you must wear

when stopped by a person in uniform

and this is the face you must wear

when you are one of a group of uniforms

this is the face you must wear

in a reality tv show

this is the voice you must use

when you contribute to a meeting

and this is the voice you must use

when telling people it is for their own safety

______________

 

Advice to Self

Whether you are running uphill
or rolling down
or rolling uphill
and crawling down

lying on your dentist's chair
or in your lover's embrace
witnessing impermanent pain
or witnessing impermanent pleasure

don't defer
don't delay
don't resist
don't wait
don't leave your peace to chance
rest
rest now
rest deep
rest sweet
rest
in your
circumstance

_______________________

Above every blade of grass

is an angel with a walking stick

that taps the grass

and tells it

"grow"

and above every body-mind

is an angel that taps it

with the unforseen

and tells it to

"let go"

_________

(First appeared on FB Dec 8th) 

______________ 

When I have

a panic attack

or a panic attack

has me

I remind myself

to let go

and let G-d

drop those shoulders

belly breathe

tongue tip gently touching

upper front teeth

the blow I'm believing

will land is a kiss

that delivers me up

unto peace and bliss (from FB Dec 7th)

_______________

I cannot know for certain

if the trees whisper to each other

I cannot say they do not

I cannot be certain when the dairy cow

bellows

if tis sorrow or something

dismissible

which should not give cause

for any shifts

from the way things are

the way things are

how mighty

how immovable

its common sense

that a cry goes with pain

but to follow common sense

is to wade into a swamp

death threats, waves of hatred

ugly things in your mailbox

________

 AUTOBRACHA* FOR 5781**

 

May I let go

gracefully

of what packs its bags and leaves

and welcome warmly

what's knocking on the door

-----------------

bracha = blessing

5781 = the new Jewish year, which began Friday evening, September 18 2020

________ 

My work
is to stand here and feel
what has not been felt
for a thousand years

___________

 

When he cried
G-d licked his ear
and when no one else came
death did not forsake him

________________

 

SPRING AND SUMMER

 

Someone

flicked

a switch

 

and

overnight

 

the mosquitoes, flies,and cockroaches

have returned

 

and the

buds

 

and the

light

________________ 

 

Validation

Because I am innocent

I am given this tree

and this stoep

on which I sit

gazing upon it

and were the universe created

just for this

it would have been worth it

 

___________ 

C'mon G-d
you're doing well

one more big push
 

and

yes
 

look
 

here comes
the universe

____________

 

The weight of my grief

is like the weight of a security blanket

warm, familiar

and comforting

hello grief

how are you today

and what is it

you would like to say?

_______________

My dad had a sweet smile.
And so do I.

________________

 

It is helpful

to learn to read

the silence

differently:

it does not mean

loneliness

desolation

a desperate longing

for something, anything

to lift the weight

from your heart

 

it is not a dreadful

echo of your thoughts

that must be drowned

with alcohol

or numbing blaring tv

 

no

this silence

is gentle, it quietens the

jangling nerves, calms

the pounding heart,

empties you

of worry and regret

fills you

with acceptance

 

it is not around you

it is inside you

 

it does not bury you

it carries you

 

it is not a cage

but a womb

_______________

 

 

FOR THIS YOU HAVE STRUGGLED

The quiet
and stillness
of the late afternoon
autumn sun
on the plant
on the table
in Sydney
is not
so very different
from the quiet
and stillness
of the late afternoon
autumn sun
on the table
in Johannesburg
and are both
much the same
as the quiet
and stillness
of the later afternoon
autumn sun
in Jerusalem
because
the quiet
and stillness
are not
in Sydney, or Johannesburg
or Jerusalem
but in you
__________

 

 

My son asked me if I was

willing to buy him

some "organic, grass fed beef"

and I thought about the castrated

18 month old steer

with his big brown

tear stained eyes

and the tremor and swish of the tail

as he waited, unable to turn back,

to be turned into mince,

and because I do not know his name

and know my son's

and wish to feed him,

and that he feels fed, I put

the cling wrapped plastic tray

with the remanant of the steer's body

into my shopping bag

and like Yehuda Amichai

proclaimed

complained,

apologised, acknowledged,

excused, sedated

and surrendered

seven times

I am not G-d

I am not G-d

I am not

G-d

_______________________

אושר לערבים

אושר למתנחלים

אושר לשמאלנים

אושר ל"בוגדים"

אושר לקיבוצניקים

אושר לדרוזים

אושר לחושבים אחרים

אושר לימינים

אושר לאנשים עירומים

אושר לחרדים

אושר למפגינים

אושר למתונים

אושר לסובלנים

אושר לצדקניים

אושר לחיילים

אושר לבני קשישים

אושר לבדואים

אושר לדגים

אושר לפיקחים

אושר למדודים

אושר לציפורים

אושר לכל מי

שנמצא בפנים

 

2020 in review /REPORTERS NOTEBOOK 2020

 

Alternative facts

wormholes

deep state

(of depression)

A day at the racism.
Justice for clouds.
Human wrongs.
Down with gravity.

______________

Greater

the love of trees
the love of leaves
the love that leaves
the love that grieves
the love that sees
the love that is blind
_____

True Blue

Our burgers
are made from Australian beef
raised by Australian farmers
who, after drinking Australian spirits
punch their Australian wives,
and drive over Australian wombats and emus,
until their Australian anger
subsides

Our burgers
are made from Australian beef
killed in Australian slaughterhouses
by Australian workers
born in 17 different countries
one of whom
in his tea break
checks his sports betting app
only to find
his Australian horse,
leg broken,
has been politely green-screened
and shot with
an Australian bullet
______

Even as Laika

was chained into her

cubicle, she licked the

hands that fastened

monitors to her, and

wagged her tail

as much as the tiny

space would allow.

Then they closed

the hatch as she

looked, puzzled out.

Before she died

from overheating

perhaps she realized

that the sun

the moon

the stars

were her only friends

_____________

 

PATRIOTISM

Made with Australian hands
and Australian nervous systems
using Australian corn
Australian molecules and only
the finest
Australian atoms
for Australian conditions and
Australian digestive systems.
______________

EYE TEST FOR DREAMERS

please lie on your back and tell me...
what do those cloud patterns say?
What letters do the seeds
on these salted brinjals form?
what is the smallest happiness
you can discern?

_______ 



"They gave their lives...."
 
No. Their lives were taken
while they were doing
their best to keep them: Unexpectedly,
A land mine under the left tire;
shot by 'friendly' fire;
an overturned APC;
mortar fragments in the carotid artery.
"They gave their lives..."

No, their lives were taken.
____________

 

Advice to management

Don't stuff your sadness and sorrow away

in some inner cupboard

 

but don't plump them up

like cushions either

 

just leave them in plain sight

and see what happens

_______________________

Prayer

Let my love
burst its banks
and drown
every story
____________

 אלהי מתני תפתחו

ואגני תגידו תהילתך

 

O Lord
Open my hips
and my groins
will declare your praise
_________


My friend had a dream
in which we were
joined at Café Zigolinis,
by her dead-at-ninety father,
as dapper as ever,
dressed in a pristine 
blue suit and tie
skin smooth and unblemished
(she'd last seen him withered)

And after we'd sat for a while
together
he bounced up
announced he was going home
brushed away her offer of assistance,
and walked off with a spring in his step

for death had taken years off his life.

____________

While waiting for the world to end
I made a list of things to be:
a singer, a surgeon,
a bat in a cage
a knower of things I can't see

a farmer

a dolphin
a clear muddy stream
on its way to
becoming the sea

_______________

Someone is always
ripping a hole
in the heart of the world
someone is always
turning it

into a skylight

 

______________

Snot is salty
tears are sweet
the Lord has neither
hands or feet
_________

Like a gambler
licking his lips
and feeding coins
into a slot machine
G-d feeds poems
into my head
hoping one of them
will hit the jackpot
 ________

 Methodology

Like a gambler
licking his lips
and feeding coins
into a slot machine
hoping one of them
will hit the jackpot
G-d feeds poems
into my head
hoping one of them
will hit the jackpot
and reveal Himself
_________________

And G-d
planted man
in the Garden of Eden.
And he grew roots
like a tree.
And wings like a bird.
And that's why he's pulled
between
heaven
and
earth
__________

This is something that it helps to know:
G-d takes you where you're required to go
___________

I'm so sappy (or hapad)
______________

even without the corona virus
things would not have been the same
despite appearances
they never are
__________

Ready

suddenly One that was alive
is dead
suddenly the Tomato that was Green
is Red
_________

He got away
under cover of light
_____________

cloudy apple juice
made only with apples
and clouds
________

I am like a midwife
doing my rounds
in the ragged quarters
helping my clients
and myself
give birth
to a little
sobriety
__________

What is memory
but clinging
to a
branch or rock,
as the river of time
takes you on
____________

 

A note to the pesach lamb

Its zeman cheyrooteynoo*
so please don't bleat
we don't want to hurt you
we just want your meat

__________________________
zeman cheyrooteynoo - Hebrew: the time of our freedom, Passover
___________

“Have a nice day”

No

don’t have a nice day

because nice excludes 99.99 percent of human experience

have an awful day

have a sad day

have a numb day, if that’s what’s there is today

have an ever shifting day

have an inscrutable moonbeam palace day

have a real day

have an authentic day

have an awe inspiring sink to your knees rise to the heavens day

have a dirty day

have an incoherent, fits of laughter day

have a surprising day

have a don’t have day

have a lie in bed paralysed day

have a peaceful contentment and acceptance day

have a step in shit day

have a glorious day of ease

have a dunno what kind of day this is day

have a rough hewed jagged day

have a day you have day

_____________

Intimations of Immortality

at 2am

a 93 year old woman

tried to escape the aged care facility

she waited til the guard went

to make himself a cup of tea

then moving as fast

as her walker would allow

shuffled through the marble lobby 

and the sliding glass doors

out into the parking lot but

trying to scale the fence

fell and broke her hip

so she's back on the ward

yet for a moment

she was so close

to how it used to be

she could smell

wafting through the palings

from her recently 

put-up-for-sale house

the

frangipani 

in the garden

blooming, its arms
open to receive her.

____________

disposable income
disposable plates
disposable bags
disposable cups
disposable cutlery
disposable packaging
disposable wipes
disposable razors
disposable masks
disposable staff
disposable stuff
disposable trays
disposable cloths
disposably syringes
disposable dressings
disposable gloves
disposable panties
disposable gowns
disposable nappies

indisposable earth
_________

 

 

I'm still waiting to see

the subversive website

where hungry people

can go to peep

at the pornography 

of intimacy

wherein you can watch:

people offering to do the dishes

or

brushing their lover's thinning hair

tenderly

giving or receiving a foot rub

bringing the other a cup of

tea

or when the other is unwell or unable
helping them dress or
go to the toilet while still

keeping in sight and heart

their irreducible dignity 

_______

Covet 19

I saw on the news
there has been a serious outbreak
of contentment
the government
and chamber of business
are working hard to contain it

_______________

With apologies to Fernando Pessoa

For a baby
the breast
is a little larger
than the entire universe
________

Young women
casually sling their
bodies 
over their
being
effortlessly
attracting
male
attention
___________
 

when the wheels
come off
they run up hill
down dale
away
and free
 
like we
___________

SCARING LITTLE ALBERT

chubby little boy
sweet smile
untainted by unanchored intellect
innocence incarnate
Douglas his real name
at age six
back with the Lord

better not to know
than to be unkind
________

no body is immune

___________

My ex wife is bitter
that I kept
autonomous walking devices
and was not of the
anti-rodent party:
guilty as charged
______

Burnt offering

Now that the fires have abated a little
let us use the reprieve wisely
to build containment lines
around out-of-control marketing
which invites us to endlessly devour
more than the body can contain
or the earth can offer


let us rebuild our neighbour's houses
and our own
not out of inflammatory convenience
and instant non-gratification
but out of slow-burning, meaningful journeys
which are long enough to reveal
the true value of things

let us prepare stockpiles of joy
and connection
so that people do not stream like lemmings
to horse races and bars,
cruise ships and neon malls
hungry for excitement and escape
but instead nourish themselves
with a soft internal rainfall
that falls in a measure that the
earth heart can absorb,

and dance like the breeze
that wafts from nowhere
to caress and kiss

new growth

__________________

Petition

אבינו שבשמים
ובארץ
שבתוככי ובתוכך,
שרק האשליה החולפת של העור
מפרידה בינינו

Our father
who art in heaven
and in the earth
in me
and in you
and that only the fleeting illusion
of skin
divides us
____________

I stop at a
lost in time
eatery
in the shire
staffed by a humble
hard working
immigrant Chinese
man and wife team
whose children will be
proctologists and actuaries
and order fish and chips
which arrives
not as greasy as I remember
but just as burpacious
and wash it down
with plastic tasting coke
just to be who I was
forty years ago
_________________

On the last day of the world
the shops held a mega sale
the flames were licking at the door
as people
exalted
in their bargains
_______________

In an eatery
a man
playing a role of waiter
and I
playing a role of patron
glimpsed each other
briefly

but he did not know how
or did not want to

take off his mask

and I did not want 
or did not know how

to put mine on

__________

On this
heating
cooling
flooding
drying
dying
birthing
expanding
contracting
planet
vaster and vaster
above
above
beneath
beneath
and more
than more
here
it
is,
this,
this
here
now

_____________

 

If I fall over
in the parking lot
I know the birds
will take this body
into their hearts
and say kaddish for me

______________

Give us this day
our daily sedation:
sports
share prices
the smiling death masks
of "news" anchors
___________

If only I had a bigger smart phone
I could sit in restaurants all on my own
I'd always have somewhere 
that I can call home
I wouldn't get bored when I am alone
if only I had a bigger smart phone
_________________



One day I looked down
and there was a pair of old men's legs
attached to a young man's mind
I wonder who they belong to?
___________

Slow it down
slow it down
slow it down to the ground
slow it down to the sound
of the breath in your chest
slow in down slow it down
so what's frantic can rest
slow it down slow it down
til what's mislaid
is found
____________

stop the world turning
stop the stars burning
stop the heart yearning
would I if I could?
 (Feb 29 copied from Facebook) 
___________________

I lean my head
against the side of my house
and wail
and thus it becomes
my wailing wall
__________________

Like a merchant
who spreads out his wares
in what he imagines is an attractive way
to seduce passers by into his stall

so have I
spread out my imaginary wares
to seduce you
into loving me

and like a merchant who
knowing the call to enter
must come from within
not without

and who
can no longer wait

I take off my vestments

and step through the gate
____________

My feet
are no longer
allowed to go out
unsupervised
____________

I am staring into
the abliss
_____________

stick to the plan
o son of man
and find your dignity
wherever you can

________________

ME TOO

Cooler conditions
are suing fire fighters
for taking advantage of them
___________

A deeper love

how i loved
every moment
of the journey
every rock and pebble
every fish and slime
the sluggishness of silt
and the rush of the canyon
but now
a greater love calls
_____________

may all beings
be happy and free
starting with me
______________

(for South Africans of my vintage:)

three things I remember:
public telephone booths reeking of urine
trolley buses
meeeeeeeeeeellies
____________________

I played hide
and seek
with G-d
and G-d
found
my hiding place.
 
That's All.
____________

GOING DOWN

Man dies
in submerged
elevator

____________

Mayachorei HaPargod (Behind the curtain)

There is a three dimensional cinema
without ceiling or floor or walls
and into it the universe is projected
and behind the lens of the projector
is a curtain
and behind the curtain
is
___________________

MYSTERY

Although the atoms are enraged
I remain calm
___________

I come home
to the dog and
the boys have tidied up
and G-d
is all over the house

______________

Sometimes
on the long trip
back to the office
when I get lonely
if I could give G-d a call
I would
_______________

Please G-d turn us into
a wall of steel
that stops the trophy hunters' bullet
into medicine
that heals the sick
cassava
that feeds the hungry
a blazing fire
that warms the cold
a waterfall that
slakes the parched 
__________________