Scene in a restaurant:
Customer: waiter....waiter.
His friend: what do you want?
Customer: I just want them to bring us some water while we're waiting. Waiter. WAITER.
Waiter: what can I get you?
Customer: we've already ordered, but it seems to be taking a long time. can we get some water for the table please?
Waiter: Of course. would you like iced water or room temperature?
Customer: room temperature is fine.
Waiter. Room temperature it is. Two glasses or would you like me to bring a jug as well?
Customer: A jug would be good, especially if you're going to keep us waiting a long time for our food.
Waiter: (laboriously making notes on phone) jug....two glasses....room temperature...right. Would you like that water fizzy or plain?
Customer: is there an additional charge for fizzy?
Waiter: No sir, it's all on the house
Customer. Fizzy then. Can you bring it now...am starting to get thirsty from all these qiuestions.
Waiter: Certainly. Would you like your bubbles to be carbon dioxide or nitrous oxide? We have a machine that can do either...
Customer: However it comes. just bring some water.
Waiter: Would you like your water served in glasses or in this new line of biodgradable cups we're trying out?
Customer: I don't care!
Waiter: Please choose an option.
Customer. Glasses!
Waiter (laboriously records notes on phone). I'll be back very soon with your water.
Waiiter goes. Customer [plays angrily with his cutlery, waiting for the food, or the water, to appear. Eventually it does. Waiter puts down a jug of sparkling water with a slice of lemon in itm, and two cut crystal glasses.
Customer: At last.
The waiter hovers nearby as customer 2 pours customer 1 a glass of water, and then one for himself. they both drink.
Waiter: (stepping back close to the table) how is your water gentleman?
Customer 2; Its fine. its water.
Waiter: temperature ok?
Customer 1: yes, can you go and see where our order is
Waiter: certainly but may I ( he removes a tablet from a pocket in his apron) ask you just to give us some feedback and do a very quick customer satisfaction survey regarding your water experience with us?
Customer 1: No, I don't want to do any surveys. I came here to eat, not to look at screens. And I haven't had a "water experience'. i asked for water. you brought it. I've had a few sips and hope to have more while you find out where the food we ordered 30 minutes ago is.
Waiter: I'm sorry sir, I can't proceed to the next course until you take the survey. Its just one of the little ways we strive to improve our service and enhance customer satisfaction.
Customer 1: but you are creating a very dissatisfied customer here, that's my feedback!
Waiter: I'm sorry its restaurant policy, i don't make the rules. It's only take a minute (thrusts tablet at customer 1, customer 2 takes it)
Customer 2: I'll do it, just so we can get our food and get out of here. (He scrolls through, touching screen to answer multiple questions and give star ratings for multiple metriics regarding their 'water experience. Finishes, hands back to waiter.) There
Waiter: (takes tablet, looks at it, scrolls down) Do you mind me asking, sir, why you've only rated us 1 for service?
Customer 1 This is ridiculous, call the manager.
Waiter: i can do that for you, but first you need to fill in a complaint form ( scrolls and gestures on tablet), I'll just get it up for you... oh, sorry I have to get it off our intranet and I don't have the password on this one, I'll be back soon.
The waiter disappears.
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