Back on February 4, the day my wife phoned me and told me she wanted to come back to the house she had left, to be with our boys, and that I must vacate the house, a good friend had said to me (earlier) on that day
a) get your shit together
b) I am not a victim...I co created this situation over many years with my selfishness and willfullness and taking things and people for granted.
That was very important to hear, and remains a central part of my healing two months later
_____________
Lying here in a tepid bath of pain
trying to get that there's no one to blame
____________________________
I am afraid
that the silence will
swallow me
_________________
O son of Chavah and Adam
you do not need to be saved from the silence
Silence will save you
I and aloneness have been spending some quality time together.
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Ah my bride Presence
how beautiful your veils:
anxiety
fear
grief
anger
uncertainty
powerlessness
sadness
thank you
for the way
they part to reveal your
ever shifting beauty
Into a mikvah of pain
I ascend
perhaps to be birthed
into love without end
_______________
